An Ode to Angry Elf

Two years ago today, YHC stumbled out of a slumber to visit Fred G. Bond Park in the heart of Cary. Known prior to that fateful day only as Kyle John Montgomery (save “Daddy” to a couple of kids, and “Skolnick” to a group of college buddies), this sad clown was drawn to a mysterious gathering of men, looking for a good workout…and an adventure. As soon as he jumped out of his car, he was welcomed with a warm yet equally obnoxious, “Hey, what are you doing here?” from some guy wearing spandex. He instantly questioned the decision and was caught wondering why this guy wouldn’t have the common decency to put on a pair of shorts to cover his…stuff. And aren’t these guys supposed to be a bunch of church-y dudes that pray while they workout? Uncomfortably tight and revealing spandex hardly seemed appropriate for a bunch of pious Jesus-freaks. Still, he was drawn to stay, if for no other reason than to prove that he could. One thing led to another, and he found himself doubled over gasping for air and wondering what sort of weird language these guys were speaking. Being the over-prepared, always- looking-to-make-a-good-impression-nerd that he was, he had of course read this thing called a Lexicon, but could only remember the phrase “spill the merlot” and some odd reference to medieval crotch hairpieces. Trying to impress this group of over-zealous testosterone junkies, he kept throwing around the only two terms he knew. They weren’t impressed. He also kept trying to showcase his long-faded fitness accolades. “Are you a runner? You look like a runner,” the spandex wearing wrestler asked. “Actually, kind sir, I’m a TRIATHLETE. Yeah, I raced the Raleigh half-Ironman and competeed in, golly, DOZENS of other events.” (Unfortunately, spewing such self-congratulatory BS while gasping for air after 1 burpee sounds pretty ridiculous…cue Springsteen’s “Glory Days”).

Fast-forward 2 years later, and Kyle Montgomery is now known in many circles (of trust) as “Flacco”. Angry Elf bestowed that name upon me (enough of the third person already). Mr. Elf also bestowed an epic beatdown on me, including a couple of doozies that I vow to include in every anniversary workout heretoforth. Read below and you’ll probably recognize which two.

Circle Up – welcome FNG Eric; pre-emptive Name-A-Rama, state F3 mission, follow me for a fellowship mosey to a stop sign far, far away.

Circle Up – announce 2-year anniversary, great impact on my life, love you guys, blah blah blah. Oh crap – recite the disclaimer.

Thang1 – Lightpole Merkin Ladder (feat. complicated number pattern that my 3rd grader designed but somehow eluded understanding among a pack of grown men, including their leader…)

• 5 standard Merkins/10 widegrip/5 diamond/10 standard/15 widegrip/10 diamond/15 standard/20 widegrip/15 diamond

Thang2 – Partner Pickle Four Corners

• partner up and grab a rock for each pair
• Partner 1 perform named exercise at corner 1 while partner 2 runs the pickle; swap – advance to next corner
  • Corner 1 – overhead rock press
  • Corner 2 – sumo squat with leg extension
  • Corner 3 – star jumps
  • Corner 4 – death squats
  • Extra bonus: rock push bearcrawl back to the rockpile
• Return to flag, circle up for Mary

COT

Announcements: Haven House trivia night Wed 9/25; Haven House boxing night Thur 10/3; Autism Society 10k 10/12 “F3 Carpex” team

Praise/Prayers: for Hi-Liter travel to visit his daughter this weekend, safe travels and blessings for time together

NMS:

• Big welcome to FNG Eric, “Rollback” in honor of his Arkansas roots, the homestate for Wal-Mart. Great work today!
• Thanks to Smokey and Saban for your timekeeping expertise
• Thanks to all of you – it is an honor and privilege to lead a workout. It is a greater honor and privilege to journey through this thing called life together. Many blessings and peace to you all!