25 PAX denied the fartsack Saturday morning to put in some hard work with their brothers. It was clear, low 70’s, and perfect #schweaty weather. YHC knew he was Q’ing Phoenix the entire week, but when M.Callahan was told of it Thursday evening, the plan needed to be changed. And since it was a surprise for YHC, it would be a surprise for all the PAX.
YHC teased the PAX on twitter claiming that a world-class surprise would be revealed the last 15 minutes of the Saturday beatdown. I claimed it would be “just about the most Callahan thing” ever done. I wondered if I gave away too much of the secret in that one little phrase. But #alas, no one was able to decipher the cryptic quote.
One brave PAX was hand-selected to be in on the surprise (because I needed an accomplice – a sidekick, if you will. If I’m Batman, I needed a Robin. Imagine me as Peanut Butter, and I’m lost without Jelly. Consider me Will Ferrell in a popular Christmas movie, and I need an Angry Elf. Soooo, yeah. That happened.) I let my dude in on the plan before joining the rest of the circle. One newish face (who I later found out was BOGO), but no FNGs, so no disclaimer (despite Smokey tryna stall so a straggling PAX wouldn’t cause the rest of the PAX to have to do penalty burpees – in the long run, it worked. I appreciated Smokey’s effort, so I granted a pardon.).
[(I wonder how many parenthetical statements I can make in this backblast? (I could probably do a couple hundred before I got too sick of it and gave up.)]
WARM UP
Jog over to the community center parking lot and plank it out to wait on the six. Yes, we ran less than a quarter mile and already had PAX struggling to keep up. That’s how hard this workout was! (Not true. In reality, that’s what happens when Flip Flop shows up a minute late).
Since we’re circled up and planking, we started with Merkins x 31 (holla, Bday week!!), Good mornings, Willie Mays Hays (or however the heck that’s spelled), one or two other things (I’m 31 – my memory is fading quickly). Then partner up for…
THE THANG (#1)
4 rounds of 4 by 4s. One partner runs a lap around the lot, the other does 4x4s til pahtnah returns. (4×4 = Do a burpee down to plank position, 4 merkins, then 4 mtn climbers, and complete the burpee. Repeato AMRAP). Like previously mentioned, we did four rounds. The PAX got VERY confused and it made me question my belief in humanity for more than a few seconds. We got it back on track fairly quickly, but I’m still a little shook about the whole ordeal.
THE THANG (#2)
Head to the rear-end of the community center, get an ego rock with your partner. As a group do 200 curls – one guy starts curls, one guy does BTTW, flapjack as needed. When finished, next round. 150 shoulder presses and people’s chair. Next, 150 triceps extensions and BTTW. Last round, 150 curls and people’s chair. Return your rocks.
THE THANG (#3)
Line up by the path, every two (2) parking spots, rotate between lunges and broad jumps – all the way to the other end of the lot. Pete “Jack” Russell Biner looked like Largemouth out front. And he wasn’t even cheating.
Once at the end of the lot, YHC made a dash across the street and down the hill into the dale. When everyone arrived, YHC checked the watch and saw that it was time. It was time to finally reveal the majestic surprise (but…not like a Mr. Majestic surprise if you know what I’m saying). YHC was sure the PAX would really enjoy it. Maybe even a little too much. Like, if I think about it too long, it might to start to hurt my feelings (given what the surprise was, of course. But you don’t know what it is yet, but we’re getting there). I really hope the surprise wasn’t the best part of the PAX’s day. Cuz if it was, I sorta feel like that’s on me. Like, I have to take that personally, don’t I? You know, maybe we should just move on. I’m starting to get all in my feelings and I just…I can’t right now. Because, I don’t know, ever since I got older, no one says “HATE” any more, which is really great. But at the same time I still kinda feel like some of the PAX are a little disappointed about it, because they still say “HATE” with their eyes, but they know it’s not as acceptable to shout it out any more and that just sorta…I don’t know. It just makes me wonder. And I know what you’re probably thinking right now. No, I’m not being a sissy or anything like that because I truly couldn’t care less. You can comment about me being a Millennial all you want, but that sorta thing doesn’t bother me. It never has, to be completely honest. But it’s just their eyes, you know what I mean? There’s just so much they’re trying to say with their eyes and it makes things uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for the other PAX. Not me, I don’t mean it makes me uncomfortable, because I’m totally cool with all of it. But I think the other PAX can sense it and there’s this weird air of tension in the room. And by room, I mean atmosphere. Frankly, I’m rarely in a “room” with any of you guys. Maybe during a Happy Hour or at the Refinery (in the colder months), but other than that we’re always outside.
Be honest with me. Am I looking too far into this thing? I mean, am I seeing something that truly isn’t there? Or does anyone else see what I’m seeing?
(At this point, I’m really hoping Riptide has thrown his computer out the window so he misses out on what the surprise was. That’s the goal, anyway.)
Anyway, when I told M. Callahan about Q’ing Saturday morning, she casually reminded me that she had to work and needed to be out of the house no later than 8am. Because of that, she wanted me to be home by 7:30 (to help with the 2.0 and to get her lunch together and all that. And yes…I most definitely make my M’s lunch because I’m an All-World husband and if you have an issue with that I suggest you look in the mirror and start asking yourself some really hard-hitting questions about your choices in life and who you are as a man.) (Disclaimer: it’s Monday morning and I’m ornery as hell) (Also, do y’all think Riptide is still reading?). So yeah, the M wanted me home by 7:30 and if you do the math (Phoenix ends at 7:30am) and you believe in simple physics (that one person cannot physically be in two separate and distance places at once), then that means I’d have to leave Pheonix around 7:15am to ensure I stay married.
So, the surprise, if you haven’t figured it out by now (and if you haven’t, you may want to talk to someone about that), was that I was going to have to leave early and I was going to spring it on the PAX last second. I thought it was funny. I don’t know if you thought it was funny or not, and I don’t particularly care. (But I do. I really do). I’ve carved out the niche of either showing up late or having to leave early to many (and any) AOs, so to say it would be the most “Callahan thing to do” was accurate. My talk with Angry Elf was to ensure there wouldn’t just be 15 minutes of standing around looking at each other with dumb looks on everyone’s faces.
But, as I just found out about 10 minutes ago, Angry Elf never got the chance to step up! Another PAX yanked the chains outta YHCs and had the PAX working in no time! #freedtolead
THE THANG (#4) (Led by PBX)
The PAX finished up with a set of 7s on the hill. Backwards run up, burpees at the top, run down, star jumps at bottom. Then mosey back to parking lot for Mary. Short and sweet, sorta (but not completely) like Angry Elf.
M(.L)AR(R)Y
Flutters, LBC, and Scuba Buddha
COT
If you read anything above, you’d realize I was not around for COT. So…uhmmm…your guess is as good as mine. But I bet it was lovely. There were 24 PAX (sans Q, obvi), I’m sure someone talked about announcements, I’d be willing to bet they went through name-o-rama, they might have counted off for giggles, and I’d sacrifice a baby lamb if they didn’t end with a prayer.
NMS
Ah yes! My favorite part of the back blast!! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve gotten the chance to Q and I’ve been itching to do the daggoned thing since VQ week! I spent a little time in the Exicon coming up with///
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(The above has been edited for space. Please refer to the WordPress archives for the entirety of this blog post. We apologize for any inconvenience.)
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(Like, we’re really sorry. We know it’s an inconvenience and it sucks that you have to click elsewhere to see the rest of this. But for heaven’s sake, the author does NOT understand brevity, right? Good lord, bruh. Get a hobby!)
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(See you in the gloom)
Callahan
(and Angry Elf)
(and PBX)