Please, put your shirt back on

29 giants of the gridiron took to the pristine fields of Mills Park to usher in the 2018 NFL Regular Season. Under cover of darkness, half the crew shed their shirts to reveal chiseled abs, bulging biceps, and tantalizing tattoos. Ma Bell couldn’t get his shirt off fast enough, prompting YHC’s favorite quote of the morning…”He paid too much for that to keep his shirt on.” But let’s get down to business so YHC can focus on BRR mental preparations.

Warmup

Coach Theismann came up with a solid football theme, hearkening his days as a professional flag football commissioner. But first, Coach Staubach led us in a warmup trot around the pickle and a few expertly called warmup cadences. Few knew that today was his VQ (as one-third of the Quarterbacks Trifecta), and he delivered his own unique style of warmups, including THE BEST cadence for Good Mornings ever called in the history of Carpex. So with that, let’s BEGIN.

The Thang

Coach Theismann promptly counted off the PAX, only to lead to mass confusion and hysteria when the 1-2 count suddenly included a 3. Finally we landed on two stellar teams aptly named ‘Shirts’ and ‘Skins’. After some quick instructions we headed (in the dark) to the gridiron. The rules:

• Offense starts at the 50yd line; 4 downs to travel 20yds for a 1st down
• 2 burpee rush clock (akin to the 5-Mississippi rule)
• Incomplete pass, interception, or fumble = offense, 10 merkins
• Complete pass or touchdown = defense, 10 merkins
• Touchdowns are 7 points; interceptions must run back the entire length of field

Coach Theismann expertly played the role of commissioner and referee.

Skins quickly went three & out, struggling somewhat with the prevailing darkness, but mostly just distracted by the moonlight glistening off their own sweaty bare chests… and the sound of a wolf cry mysteriously emanating from the Nan’tan’s shoulder.

Then disaster struck – a Shirts PAX (to remain nameless) connected his skull with Kilmer’s nose. Never a good way to start your day, and Kilmer was sidelined for the rest of the game. And while most competitors opt to take a knee when an opponent goes down with an injury, HIMs plank it out. You know, as a sign of respect.

Then the Skins scored on a pick six, and yada-yada-yada, Skins won.

COT led by YHC (I don’t just show up to these things to look pretty, ya know)

Announcements: 9/11 stair climb, Burt’s Haven House fundraiser (see Slack)

Praise/Prayers: Great to have McCants back out again yesterday; great to see Grease Monkey yesterday; Loom’s daughter continued battle, Michelob’s daughter (sorry, might have the wrong PAX here?); safe travels and speedy race for BRR teams.

NMS

• Touch football in the dark is just plain silly. Let’s petition Principal Rooney to host at DDMS and turn on the lights.
• Blue Water has a cannon for an arm. Who’da thunk?
• Pivot is the new starting Wideout in Madden ’19
• Kilmer really did take a hard knock – sorry to see that happen and prayers were lifted that it wasn’t as bad as it looked.
• I’m missing one from the Name-a-Rama tags. Who are you? Let yourself be known and I will dutifully pay 10 penalty burpees.

Thanks gents for helping me emerge from some personal gloom with some fun in the real gloom.