Preamble
OK, everybody just calm the F down. PBX is fine. But there was a period of time where we didn’t know that. “What happened?” you ask? Here’s the way it went down. All statements herein have been verified by multiple sources.
The morning began like any other Friday at Gran Torino. Elite EC runners at 0500 followed by a rag-tag group of blue collar EC runners at 0505. PBX was one of those blue collar guys, along with Biner, Water Wings, and YHC. PBX came in hot per usual and started a little slow, but found his legs the second half of the run and accelerated to the front. Oh yeah, Peebs is looking strong today.
After the EC run, a couple of guys rucked up, others pulled up, and several of us peeled off a layer before the ME. Time to go: 10 or so headed out for the customary (at GT) 1 mile warmup run. As we neared the warm-up spot, someone: “we lost a couple, but Banjo went back to get them. I think we lost PBX.” YHC (thinking): “eh, they’ll be here any minute” then saying “circle up, first exercise is:
Warm-Up
- Merkins (of course)
- Alabama Ass-Kickers
- Burpees (5 OYO)
- E2K
- Lunges
- Low Country Boils
Somewhere in there, Banjo and another PAX returned and indicated they couldn’t find PBX. Uh oh.
The Thang
MA BELL beast using the exercises above. 6 Merkins at the next 6 light poles, then 6 Alabama ass-kickers at each of the next 6 light poles and so on. About 2 light poles in, Banjo and another PAX returned and indicated they couldn’t find PBX. Uh oh. OK, new plan. Let’s retrace our warm-up run and go find him. Some guys go in reverse and a couple of us went the original direction. We met half way and no sign of PBX. OK, we’re getting worried now.
- Someone: “did he peel off with the ruckers?”
- Someone else: “no, he wasn’t with us before we saw those guys.”
- Me (thinking): “Does a death count the same as a merlot or…?”
- Someone else: “maybe he went with Michelob”
- Me: “Michelob is here?”
- Largemouth: “Maybe Michelob has his phone. Let’s try to call him”
We made our way back to the parking lot whereupon Largemouth tried to call Michelob, then Parker with no luck. All the while YHC led the rest of the PAX in called exercises. Calls aren’t going through.
- Someone: “Does PBX have a heart condition?”
- Me: “No but he did have a dehydration episode a few weeks ago”
- All: “Shit, where could he be? We’re really getting wor..”
- All: “Hey look! It’s the Space-X rocket! Wow, really cool!”
- Me: “What’s a good rocket exercise?”
- Lucky Charms: “Pickle Pounders”
- Largemouth: “Who else can I call?”
- All: “Call? For what? Look, rocket!”
- Me: “Next Exercise is Homer to Marge. I want to still be able to see the rocket”
By then, we’ve all convinced ourselves that PBX is OK. Let’s make the most out of the 20 minutes we have. So we continued our MA BELL beast, at least getting 2 light poles of each exercise in. OK, so not quite a full beast. Maybe a scary shadow or something.
One last little loop to make sure we are well over the 3 mile minimum and back to the flag with 20 seconds to spare. 5 burpees OYO. And there is PBX who had indeed peeled off to walk with Michelob. Such a HIM.
COT
First, I hugged PBX because he once was lost and now is found
- Count-a-rama (16) – 3 ruckers, 2 walkers (including risen from the dead PBX), 11 campers. I think.
- Name-a-rama: 5 RESPECTS, 11 Mehs
- Announcements: Yes
- Prayers/Praises: Saban’s FIL – has responded well to the antibiotics and they’ve found a place that will take him in; PBX’s FIL is recovering nicely after the heart bypass surgery
- BOM: YHC took us out. Feels really good to be able to do this again. Cuz we vaxxed bitches!
NMS
I was proud of our guys for the concern for PBX and the effort to track him down. 2 lessons learned: 1. Watch out for the six at all times; not just at the end. 2. Tell someone if you’re peeling off or turning back.
It was an honor to lead you men today in whatever the hell just happened.
I got a pair of beige bro inspired socks so….