So a few weeks back there was a pop-up FIA/F3 AO for Valentine’s Day c/o: Red Ryder and his M. It was a pleasant surprise since the standard orders I have from Shut In (and Parker, and Red Ryder, and Smokey, and Snots, and even a few guys that aren’t married) are: “Frisco, you don’t talk to my wife, you don’t look at my wife, you don’t even breathe the same air. You see her, you hold your breath until you pass out.”
Naturally, I took the pop-up AO as a sign that those orders had been revoked. And it gave me a great idea: Nothing is more fun than a pop-up dance party where you use exercises as dance moves. Imagine it! A line of F3 guys in plank alternating left arm up, right arm up, chill cut in time with dance music while the Q, YHC, challenges the FIA Q and throws down some righteous, sick moves. I even worked out how to squat and do that crossed arms “whatcha got?” move so prevalent in the break dancing movies from the 80s.
Yep, the more I thought about it the better the idea seemed. This was my ticket to the top. Away from the plebeians and bottom feeders like Disco Duck. And maybe just maybe I could bring in dance battles as an acceptable form of Nan’tan power transfer rather than the current “My 5 aces beats your Royal Flush, ha! you’re the new Nan’tan!” method. It was win-win-win.
I reached out to Shut In to get a FIA contact. I got back: “The person you are trying to reach has left Slack and quit F3. Please cease and desist all attempts at contact.” And then on the following day: “FIA has been disbanded, Frisco. And don’t talk to my wife. Don’t look at my wife…”. You get the picture.
Next I reached out to Parker. He initially thought I was asking for a FIA contact and was very positive. But when I pitched my idea for the dance off I got…nothing. Radio silence. The Big Nada. Zilch. The Cold Shoulder. The Sooey Shuffle. The Build-A-Bear Blow Off. The Burt Back Peddle. The Pierogi Piss Off. The Prodigal Hi I’m Prodigal and I’m Your Q Today, The Disco Duck D— ah never mind that one, The Captain Jack J—never mind that one either.
At first, I assumed Parker was afraid of the Ms going home and saying “I never knew F3 guys could dance like that! Why don’t you ever take me dancing?!” to their husbands. I considered letting him know I was only going to Bring It like 85%. Yes there would be some uncomfortable conversations in some homes about why can’t you be more like Frisco and yes I would probably have to teach dance to some PAX.
Then I realized “Houston we have a problem”. Parker can’t dance and he doesn’t want the rest of the PAX or his M to know. I understood. The backlash against non-dancers can be brutal. Being tarred-and-glittered sucks! Finding the doors to the Glee Club locked when you show up for practice. Having your dance shoes boiled and left in your locker.
The big guy was scared. I had probably brought up painful high school memories for him. Nice going, Frisco! I chided myself. His size 22 ballet slippers probably wouldn’t even fit into a pot to boil. The bullies probably left the boiled pieces all cut up in his locker.
I knew I had to make it up to Parker. The dance off was off but I still needed to show Parker that he was good enough, he was smart enough, and gosh darn it people liked him more than Ma Bell (though that isn’t saying much).
Warm Up:
Sir Fazio
Almost Steve Earls
Merkins
Abe Bagoda (Disco Duck)
Good Mornings
Thang 1:
We had moseyed to the parking lot near the baseball fields. As we passed by FIA I had to stop myself from calling a halt and challenging their Q. Today was Parker’s Day.
Partner up for some DORA:
150 Peter Parker merkins
150 Hell Squats (a Parker favorite)
150 Parkees (Burpees with a Rockettes-style double side leg thrust. It makes more sense in person.)
I played the music that would have been for the dance off. Today was Parker’s day and we were going to show him that guys in tights can be cool as well as sensitive!
Mary: Outsourced to the PAX. As Rooney noted it seemed to take forever. Shut-In called Pickle Pounders and did 5 minutes of them. Actually, he did them through all the other Mary exercises come to think of it.
COT:
Count-a-Rama: 1 Respect, 15 Mehs, 0 Hates
Announcements:
1) MULE (Raleigh’s CSAUP) March 14, details on Slack
2) Burgaw, NC Trip, March 22 details on slack. 9 hard commits so far.
3) After letting me Q today Rooney and Imp have been asked to step down as BH site Qs and are taking applications. Primary requirement is “breathing”. (Though after seeing Rooney’s pickle pounders maybe that’s not a…hard requirement. Zing!)
NMS:
Parker actually did totally blow off my dance-off idea but I am going to take that as he knew I was trying to mess with him.
I like to give Parker a hard time because he is usually a fortress of seriousness so when I can get a laugh of out him—especially one big enough to make him not be able to workout for a few seconds—I consider it a small personal victory. The same is true for Liverpool. Not so much for Biner—that guy will toss out a belly laugh for anyone. He’s like the village bicycle of laughs.
I have gotten feedback recently that I should probably make my Qs a little more structured and serious. But I ignored that advice. Since my M’s mother died I have been pretty much a single parent and all the other stuff that comes with that. I live eat and breathe leadership from the minute I leave F3 until I wake up the next day. At work, at home, in my family I am pretty much always on and being asked to make decisions or lead.
So if my Qs are not great I don’t really sweat it. There are about 50 AOs a day now I think and lots of choices. In COT a lot of guys don’t say things even though they might be dealing with stuff. If I can give them something to good naturedly grumble about or some fun so much the better.
I tend to mumble chatter a lot by design. I am co-site Q at the IR workout and was one of the founding members of Bruisers (the pop up IR AO before Claymore came into existence). I know some guys think “Does he ever shut up?” (The answer is “No”).
But there is a method to the madness. Men like to feel accomplished and proud. We like to have the approval of our male peers. We get FNGs out that are out of shape and you can see how down on themselves they are. “How did I let myself get so far down this unhealthy path?!?” “I can’t keep up with these guys. I am embarrassing myself.”
So then there’s me, Frisco, tossing out chatter and also teeing up a few for PAX to take shots at me. They see that I am good with giving and taking. And then it happens. The FNG gets comfortable enough to take one of those teed up shots. Everyone including me busts out laughing and you can practically feel that FNG click into place in the group. 2nd F! Getting a good natured zing in makes a man in a group just feel a part of it. I don’t know why. Maybe because he isn’t impressing (in his mind) anyone physically but he made some guys laugh and there is that that he accomplished.
I don’t know why it works but it does. Carpex culture is what makes us strong and attractive to FNGs.
I am never going to be a great exercise Q but if I can take a few on the chin to get some laughs and a guy to show up again? Worth it 100%.
MIAGD!
And blame Parker…