Well, Ultimate Frisbee season started up, so posting to Carpex workouts has been limited by soreness and/or injuries. I haven’t posted in about 3 weeks, so I was pumped to take the Q at DangerZone this morning. Of course I was expecting to be greeted to a heroes welcome, or strut into the AO while a boombox is blasting the Welcome Back Kotter’s theme song. Nope, none of those happened. Instead the night before, Sabre is skeaning me for not having some sort of a Pre-Blast, Peeerogi is questioning my mobility to Q, and CK is DM’ing me constantly…with his only interest of bequeathing me with his old bicycle inner-tubes with advice to utilize said inner-tubes during the Q for resistance running “in case you can’t think of any exercises to do”. Pfft.
So I decided to do what anyone would do that hasn’t posted in 3 weeks. Stay up super late watching hockey and American Pickers while consuming 9 or 10 Brooksweisers and a king-size box of Goobers. At 12:55 a.m., I absolutely felt ready to Q the most prestigious AO in all of Carpex! …………however, when the alarm went off at 5:15 a.m…..that was a different story. My Hershel Walker underoos reeked of stale beer, and the bags under my eyes looked like they were stuffed with three Goobers on each side. It wasn’t pretty. Quickly changed, headed downstairs, looked for some magical relief. Ahhh, the M’s stash of herbally tea: While Foods organic, all-natural, vegan, raw, sustainable, recycled, additive-pesticide-and GMO-free! All at the reasonable cost of $63.89 per ounce. Lemme tell ya…..it was horrible. And it didn’t work. But alas I did find magical relief elsewhere in the kitchen! Swallowed a large hand-full of my kids Flintstones vitamins, which I washed down with an expired half bottle of that pink stuff you give your kids when their sick……amoxicillin, I believe. Good as new…..mostly.
Me and Peeerogi ran two blocks to DangerZone (yes, that’s long enough to be called an EC run). 13 of us huddled at the Shovel Flag to chat it up. Then with 3 minutes until go-time, @Archtype declared he was going on on an EC run! Me: “dude, we starting in 3 minutes”. Archtype: “I’ll be back in 2 minutes”. So he ran around the Pickle (yes, that’s long enough to be called an EC run).
Still foggy, I mumbled through a disclaimer of some sort and maybe a couple F3 principles. @mabellcarpex was not impressed at all. I was in trouble. Needed a diversion. As I held my head low in shame…..there it was…..my diversion! @burtcarpex was standing there wearing one sneaker (probably the old kangaroo with the velcro pocket on the side) on one foot, and on the other foot……and this is just magnificent…..one flip flop (with a sock too). I felt honored for sure. It was funny for sure. Everyone forgot about me mumbling through the disclaimer for sure! “Thanks, that’s great Burt! Now we are starting the workout now, so go put on your other Kangaroo sneaker”. Now Burt hung his head in shame and stated, “Sometimes jokes and pranks come back to bite you in the butt”. I thought he was referring to that thing on his butt he’s always talking about…you know the cyst, hemorrhoid, callus thingy. But no! He claims he put on the flip flop at home and left his other sneaker in his garage. Claims he’ll just perform the workout with one sneaker and one flip flop (with sock on; not one of those hipster thong socks made for flip flops, but just a regular sock wedged between his big and second toe so he could squeeze the flip flop on!). Immediately, nobody believes him. We are all thinking he has the other sneaker stashed somewhere around the Pickle and will put it on after a lap. That would be cute and funny. So we start our warm-up jog around the Pickle. Two laps. Burt still wearing one flip flop. So we perform some mini Agility City//Paint the Lines//Retro Runs. Burt still wearing one flip flop.
Jog to the world famous DangerZone field for COP…..this must be where he stashed the flop…..for x 20 SSH, x 5 GM, x 5 Phelps, x 10 MC, x 10 Merkins, chilcutt 10 count, x 10 Wright Flyers, and x 5 Saturday Nite Stretch….all in perfect cadence by YHC. Burt still has on flip flop.
I’m thinking Thang 1 will absolutely force Burt to retrieve his hidden sneaker. There is no way Burt will perform Thang 1 with one flip flop on. So right there on DangerZone Field, we partner up for a set of B.O.M.S (no, not B.O.M.B.S). First a lesson on running form from YHC…….@Frisco wasn’t amused. Partner 1 runs 100 yds to the fence and back at 75% effort with good form; whilst Partner 2 performs AQAP x 10 Burpees, x 10 Overhead Claps, x 10 Merkins, and x 10 squats. Flip flop x 4 sets. Burt still in one flip flop. Of note, on the first set, @Goose ran like he was being chased by the GooseBusters, we were all like…”dayum, Goose can run! he’s 75% is much faster than ours”. But when Goose gets back from his 200 yd run, and sees everybody going again he says, “Oh, we have to do that 3 more times?” he super sprinted the first set—-bhahaha!!!!!
At this point, I’m thinking maybe Burt really doesn’t have his other sneaker. No, he must have it stashed around here. I guess it wasn’t so bad running 200 yd sprints with one flip flop…..he’s holding out. So we perform x 20 Freddie Mercs then slide over to the fence for a set of Ascending Testicles, then mosey to the cub for a set of Pax Dominos with x 5 Merkins each way.
With Burt still wearing one flip flop, I am wondering if I should audible my workout plan. I’ll give one more chance to flush out the hidden sneaker tho. I declare that for Thang 2 we will leave the soft grassy field and perform a Catch-Me-If-You-Can (partner with x 3 HRM) on the sidewalk from Norwell down Cary Parkway to the trail that leads back into DangerZone! Go! YHC hangs in the back of the pack so I can finally see where Burt stashed his other sneaker, and probably share a good laugh with him about his TomFoolery. It would be so fun to tell all the other fellas on Slack that Burt wore one flip flop for part of the workout. But no. Burt takes off with his partner; we all are running downhill down Cary Parkway…..Burt still wearing one flip flop with an athletic sock uncomfortably squished between his big and second toe. At this point my plantar fasciitis is flaring up just watching Burt run. At the trailhead we perform x 20 LBCs and x 20 Air Force Ones. At this point, me and Cheddar Bo look down at Burt’s one flip flop….we are both thinking the same thing: we are a long way from the Shovel Flag; there ain’t no way Burt stashed his sneaker around here.
Mosey to the wall for x 15 dips. Then mosey across the one of the world famous DangerZone bridges. Stopped at the 4-way intersection for an exercise, then continued to run all the way to the next 4-way trail intersection. Squat hold with arms up while we wait a few seconds for Burtflop. We must have covered 2 miles by now, and lemme tell ya, Burt was sweatin’ up a storm, but not a hair (that’s singular) on his head was out of place, and he still had on the flip flop (that’s singular).
For the next Thang, we partnered up and performed x 10 partner Derkins, ran up the hill about 50 yds and perform x 10 PJs, then ran all the way to Smurf Island for x 10 partner WWIIs…..then ran all the way back to the World Famous Danger Zone T.GI.F Rock Wall where we gathered for x 10 PJs and squat hold for instructions. Instructions were as follows: Partner 1 will be at the picnic shelter performing dips, Derkins, Irkins, and step ups, whilst Partner 2 runs down to the T.GI.F Rock Wall. Partner 2 touches the Thankful Rock and thinks of something to be thankful for today, then sprints back to picnic shelter. Flip flop. Next set thru the Good Intentions portal to quietly think of your good intention for the day. Last set, touch the Forgiveness Rock and quietly forgive yourself or someone.
One man line jogging back to the Shovel Flag. @f3pierogi led us with x 15 American Hammers. Burt still had on one flip flop. Whew, what a morning!!!
Count-a-rama: 13
Name-a-rama
Announcements: 2nd F lunch today, Burt needs some volunteers for Haven House Battle of the Bags, Carpex 6th Anniversary at all 5/31 AOs.
Prayers: Frisco’s family, PBX’s MIL, Saban traveling the next 3 weeks (prayers for his family while he’s gone).
Nekkid Mole Skin:
* Felt great to be back in the gloom with my F3 brothers, who continue to amaze and inspire me in all facets of life. Love you guys!
* Awesome to see a new face (for me) and get to know @Archtype.
* The real #kotters wasn’t really me, it was @Free Lunch! Keep coming out Free Lunch!
* Always a pleasure to have @mabellcarpex, @Goose, and @Frisco come from the other side of town.
* I haven’t seen @Cheddar Bo in a bit. Awesome to hear about his 100 holes of golf he completed.
* Special thanks to @f3pierogi and @CK for helping me move some furniture at my house after the workout. appreciate it!
* The daylight and warm weather brought out all the #carycougars to walk at the park this morning. As we arrived back at the Shovel Flag, several cougars awed at our physique and handsomeness…….then immediately had looks of disgust and picked up their walking pace after hearing Fisco’s mumblechatter and seeing one dude sweating profusely wearing one sneaker and…….one flip flop.
luvyou,
Flip Flop (that’s singular)