When you are 5’9″ and 145lbs. in high school, with most of that mass residing between your calves and waist, you have sprinter potential. Unlike some Carpexers, I prefer my running to max out at about 400yds. If I have to pace myself, it’s not really my bag, baby. The discus throwers, shot-putters et al. liked to make fun of us skinny fast dudes because of all the running we had to do while they drank beer and threw heavy stuff. Well, at the best of meets, when all was said and done and the points tallied, the joke was on them. Because you have never really lived until you have had the chance to cheer on the big boys in the Fat Man Relay. Those hefty dudes chugging around the track make a 4 x 100 look like a marathon. Merlot flows like an FNG at an Angry Ma Bell Q. For today’s Q at the Circus, I wanted to relive those glory days. However, among the studs of Carpex, it is challenging to find fat men….or batons for that matter. So…
Beaker’s Beginning (The Warm-Up)
Jog on down Andy Hill and circle up for
– Plank and Low-plank
– 15 x Plank jacks
– 25 x SSH
– 5 x Good mornings
– 5 x Windmills
– 10 x Imperial Walkers
Beaker’s Beatdown (The Thang)
We were conveniently located next to a rock pile, so I suggested each man pick out his very own traveling baton and we carried them back up to the track. That kills two stones with one….well, stone. No, everyone is fat and has a baton. Count off into teams of 4. The lead man hit his 6 and knocked out rock hammers while his three partners started off around the track. At 100yds, partner 2 dropped for hammers, at 200yds, partner 3 dropped for hammers, and at 300 yds, partner 4 dropped for hammers. Partner 1 then knocked out 5 rock merkins and ran his baton to Partner 2. Partner 2 then knocked out 10 rock merkins while Partner 1 hit 5. Both carried batons on to Partner 3, who had 15 merkins while the other two hit 5 each. Repeat to Partner 4 for his 20 merkins and the other’s 5 each. At that point, it was a mad dash to the tape. As you can imagine, heat 1 was a complete cluster $%^*!, full of false starts, dropped batons, and lane violations. Since no one won, we all lost and were duly awarded 5 Rockees. Heat 2 was identical and smooth as butter. Dirty Bomb and YHC cruised to an easy win and earned 5 Burpees to everyone else’s 5 Rockees. However, this is a handicapped event, so we had double exercises going into the final heat. Swap Merkins for Squats and Hammers for WWIIs and we were off. Jigglypuff anchored a strong performance by his squad and participation trophies were handed out to all. Too much lollygagging meant not enough time for the final heat, but enough time to head back down Andy Hill for:
– 10 x Curls, 10 x Triceps, 10 x Rock-rows
– Repeat
Put those batons away and billy run up Andy Hill to the flag
Beaker’s Bellies (The Mary)
25 x Heels to Heaven took us to time, but additional Mary during the ME.
Beaker’s Beatitudes (The COT)
COR/NOR: 17 (14 for FC, 2 for NonVesper, 1 for ruck)
Announcements
– K2K (Spit-shine is still looking for someone to eat his doughnuts
– Carpex is still welcome at Whole Foods
– Sweetwaters will re-open soon
– Dunkin > McDonald’s
Prayers
– PBX MIL
– Clementine M
– Liverpool’s rest and long-term recovery
YHC took us out
Beaker’s BS (The NMS)
* No Fat Men were harmed in the writing of this backblast. As to the workout, I have no idea.
– It was a pleasure as always. I am amazed at the progress of some of you long-timers (myself included) compared to where we all started. More impressive are the new guys gutting it out when it hurts like hell. I encourage all of you to remember how much it sucked at first, how much you felt like you were being judged for being weak, how much it hurt to walk up the stairs or get up the next morning. Remember, and then come alongside the newer guys to make sure they feel a little less of all that and know they have found a group that is here to lift up and support the whole man and really couldn’t care less about the body, which is frail and fleeting.
– Super kudos to Skipper for the Fibonacci reference. If he had seen all the shenanigans down on the track, he would have known the PAX need a little more mental honing before we take on mathematical sequences.
– Is there anything better than a billy run up a hill to put the bile in your mouth?
– Concurrent announcements are never a good idea – let’s try to pipe it and listen. Especially during prayers when it can be hard enough to open up and share.
– Banjo mentioned missing mumblechatter and more then a few PAX were curious to know where he found such a Shangri-La of workout tranquility
– Note that neither Liverpool, Burt, nor Hi-Liter were present this morning, and yet, the mumblechatter abides.
– That is my second movie reference in this BB
– If you are looking back for the first, you might be a Millenial, here’s your sign
– That’s a redneck comedy reference