Ahh, Thursday nights since this COVID-19 started. Normally a night reserved for playing poker at my friend’s house, but we’ve been doing it differently. Now we all stay home and play against each other on an online platform, plus with use a separate laptop to Zoom in so we can physically see each other and talk trash. Playing in this fashion is fun, and can have both advantages and disadvantages. One advantage is that we can all slug down tons of beers all night since we don’t have to drive. One disadvantage is that we can all slug down tons of beers all night since we don’t have to drive. Major disadvantage is if are the QIC on Friday morning tho.
Friday morning, the alarm went off at 5:00 a.m. seemingly as quick as I set it. In a state of confusion and lack of sleep, YHC yelled “I call”! The M was not amused, which likely means another nite of no nookie for me.
By the time I got dressed and got downstairs to sit on the throne to take a big F3Raleigh, it was time to leave in order to make the 5:30 Gran Torino start time. But wait. No way was I going to leave 12 empty Budweiser cans on the counter! To make YHC look more civilized to the M, I quickly grabbed up 10 of the cans and ran next door to Pierogi’s house to throw them in his recycling bin. Then I was off. Got there at a perfect 5:29 a.m. where nine (then ten) dudes were waiting for some sorta high-tempo workout, so that’s what I gave them.
Normally, this is the time to describe all the exercises and repetitions performed. But that’s not really important, so I won’t tell you. What you do need to know, and what you already know is this: YHC delivered another masterpiece, a flawless workout, and cadence that was, well, perfect. There were zero mistakes by YHC. Zero.
Other very important details from this Gran Torino workout aren’t about YHC’s awesome high-tempo BeatDown, which by the way, made “elite” runners like Michelob feel and look like a mall walker at Cary Towne Center. So what if Michelob won the Umstead 100 Mile Endurance race 4 times. (for real tho, 4 first-place finishes is just siiiiiick!). So what, Michelob needs hemoglobin training too, so he got legally blood doped today!
Now where was I? Oh yes, other important details of this workout can really be listed in the……
Nekkid Mole Skin:
* After my second botched disclaimer of the week [at FWD Callahan Q this week, he suddenly, out of nowhere, asked me to give the disclaimer. I was caught offguard, and the disclaimer was just horrible. Worst part was there were 2 FNGs there], we settled in for The Pledge. It was during our warm-up jog, that this big jacked up, souped up, bad ass truck came roaring in. This truck is just bad ass. Imagine the inverse of Ma Bell’s truck, and that’s what this truck was; bad ass! But who is it? Door opens and these silky smooth sexy long flamingo legs come out. The boys eyebrows rose. But then, the rest of it came out. Ew gross, it’s Pet Sounds! Pet Sounds comes right on out and joins our warm-up jog, but get this, he’s Chippendaling. No damn shirt. With his skinny arms and bird chest, it was more like he was Chirpendaling!
* As Saban is the keeper of time at a workout, it appears now that LargeMouth is the keeper of the ‘minimum mileage’ count. The difference between Saban and LargeMouth though is this: LargeMouth couldn’t have been a more annoying gnat with his constant reminding of YHC that we “weren’t going to make the minimum mileage”. I mean, does Large really need to tell you 12 minutes into a workout: “hey Flip, we’re only at .4 miles right now”. Then, 17 minutes into the workout, Large jogs by YHC and just taps his Garmin watch pointing at the mileage. He’s so freakin’ annoying! One thing was clear though: he def needs more blood doping.
* You know who else is annoying? Build-a-damn-Bear, that’s who. His short-jabbing mumblechatter directed at YHC stung. Really bro, calling ME out for not going all the way down on a Merkin or Burpee. pahleeze!
* I’ll tell ya something else about these dudes today. They couldn’t stop whining about how their Garmin watches wouldn’t upload their runs to the Garmin Connect app, which means it won’t upload to the Strava app. GTL was particularly upset. I saw real tears. It made YHC’s eyes a bit glassy just watching him struggle with the notion that his watch wouldn’t upload his activities.
YHC: “GTL, this is horrible. How long has this been going on?”
GTL (in obvious distress): “Oh my gosh, since yesterday. It’s horrible!”
YHC silently to himself: “oh, woe is me GTL. Woe is me”.
* Out of the 11 dudes, everyone had a Garmin except for Schroeder, who had his Apple watch on. He seemed confused about what was going on. So, YHC told Schroeder why the rest of the dudes were whining and all sad. You know what Schroeder said? “Woe is me”. bhahaha!!
* This Wonderbread guy. He politely did everything YHC instructed to do during the workout today, and smiled in doing so. But YHC could read Wonderbread like the ingredients in wonderbread; and it wasn’t good. When YHC instructed the PAX that we were going to cut through a muddy trail in the woods, Wonderbread had that nice little smile on, but I could see it in his eyes: he was pissed! No way was he going offroad or in any grass with his actual running shoes! Yo Wonderbread, get some damn bootcamp shoes; like some old school Roos or something of the like. Woe-is-damn-me. Of note, Wonderbread did drive to Starbucks to buy coffee for dudes that didn’t have any, and drove it back to Gran Torino delivery style. I like Wonderbread now. 100% coffeeteria, by the way.
* Speaking of coffeeteria. This is when Chanticleer doffed his shift. All the PAX noticed how pasty white Chanticleer is, and how skinny his arms actually are. Chanticleer reminds me of a Greek statue: completely pale, no arms.
To be fair, Chanti was standing next to YHC, a bronzed god, who has spent more time at the pool than in the office lately. Of note, Chanti also bought, and gave to me today, a box of fig bars from Sam’s Club. Thanks!
* Lastly, this Banjo kid. Dude is a machine! Strong upper and lower body. He can run with the best of them! A real man!……….except when seen at the end of the workout as we gathered around The Flag for coffeeteria. Everyone else had their manly chair, or stood like a man! Not Banjo. Dude actually went to his car and pulled out an actual wimpy yoga mat to sit on. Not only that, Banjo had a ‘lil hand towel to dollop his brow. Don’t remember if he had his FIA branded homemade smoothie with him too, but he probably did. And for a guy that has this yoga mat…..he has got to be the most inflexible human I have ever seen. There Banjo was, sitting crossed-legged on his yoga mat…..and his knees where damn up near his ears. C’mon Banjo, do some stretches!
* p.s.—-4 or 5 of the guys there today have never seen the movie Gran Torino.
Well boys, it ’twas a pleasure.
luvyou,
Flip Flop
Clearly an attempt at obfuscating the fact that the minimum mileage was NOT met.