When I saw that Hello Kitty had to give up his Q spot at Danger Zone I jumped at the opportunity. It is a very exclusive spot and the application process is quite tough. I had been rejected twice, but if I pretended to be Hello Kitty someone would figure it out when the sun started to come up. But if I pretended to be Hello Kitty pretending to be me everyone would just think it was a great disguise. And by the time they figured it out it would be too late to stop me…muwhahahahah.
So I sent the Site Qs Blow Out and Coney a message that Hello Kitty had DM-ed me and asked for my permission to show up dressed like me and wearing a Frisco mask. Blow Out was skeptical and asked why he had received a voicemail from Hello Kitty that said: “Help! I am locked in a basement and my phone is about to–“. Luckily, I had a thought ahead for that contingency.
“That was me,” I said. “I was just pretending to be Hello Kitty pretending to be me pretending to be him trapped by me. Not the pretending me but the real me being me.” Blow Out said he had a migraine coming on and hung up.
Coney was an easier sell. “What’s Danger Zone?” he asked. “Who is this again? Sir, do you want to order a pizza or not?” That sounded like a sign off to me so I ran with it.
I arrived at the AO ready to take the helm as 5 other HIMs strolled up. Coney and Blow Out checked over the Q sheet a number of times. I was worried that they were doubting my loyalty to DZ so I found the car of the largest touble maker (Burt) and gave it a few really good kicks. I was 6 dents in when Blow Out informed me that he had parked in Burt’s normal spot. Since I did not see Burt among the 5 PAX now checking the schedule to see if they could make it to another AO I assumed he must be telling the truth.
I gave the car another kick in case Blow Out was wrong then turned to start the workout. I heard Coney and Blow Out mutter something unkind about Flip Flop and Pierogi never mentioning something but I decided whatever it was was no concern of mine–I had a workout to lead!!
And so began the day…
I had decided to take Press On down a few pegs early on so I outsourced the Pledge to him. But unfortunately at least one of the touchy-feely, hippie private schools he had gone to as a kid must have taught it because he knew it.
We moseyed around the pickle on our way to the warm up. I had originally decided to do the workout on the basketball courts but when I saw Saban I knew he would really appreciate getting all sandy. So I called a mental audible and headed for the sand volleyball courts.
Warm Up: Fazios, claps, merkins, Steve Earls, maybe some other arm and leg stuff
Thang 1: Introduce Sargent Squatter
Back in March, I found myself in a lot of virtual garage workouts with my shield lock. The Sarge was born during those days. The Sarge promises a full body workout and he delivers with a vengeance.
Here is how he goes (though like my F3 name he changes from time to time and since we had the sand to cushion our elbows…).
1) Squat down
2) Bear Crawl into Plank
3) Merkin (5x)
4) Down into Chill Cut / Up to plank (5x)
5) Merkin (5x)
6) Mountain Climber (5x)
7) Crawl Bear to Squat
8) Stand Up
That’s one rep.
Thang 2: Sarge’s 7s (Socially Distantly)
Now that the PAX knew and loved the Sarge it was time to show him around DZ. I had originally planned to do a DORA meets the Sarge workout but couldn’t figure out how to get the PAX back around to the starting location. Luckily, as I was describing Sarge’s 7s Saban pointed out that there was a billy goat path that we could use instead of my intentionally complicated social distancing on the stairs process. But I couldn’t let that challenge to my authority stand. Or at least Hello Kitty pretending to me wouldn’t stand for it so I had to play the character.
“Hey Saban, how many grains of sand do you think you got on you during the warm up and introduction to the Sarge? An odd number or even?”
“Three thousand five hundred sixty two,” Saban said without hesitation. He probably knew the Pledge of Allegiance too.
“Odd number. Great,” I said. “We’ll keep with odd theme and do 50 Sargent Squatters / 100 Squats / 200 LBCs”
I realized this could turn into chaos fairly quickly but since everyone would think I was Hello Kitty I really didn’t care. Probably I could scoop up the DZ Q for the following week with a promise that it would not be another “Hello Kitty cluster Q”.
It actually went better than I thought. Somehow Shoe Horn and Coney were always one rep ahead of Blow Out and I on the Sargent Squatters. Which was weird because Blow Out threw himself into those Squatters. He seemed to be upset about something that happened right before the workout began and needed to blow off steam (see what I did there). Maybe it was whatever was going on with Flip Flop and Pierogi.
We got in 26 Squatters as a team before the time was up (they are really, really nasty). I audibled it and we headed to the basketball court.
Mary:
Pax choice with some yoga to close out the day.
Count-a-rama: 2 Respects, 4 Mehs, 0 Hates
Announcements:
- Golf thing coming up with Repeato and Half on a team. Check Slack for details.
Prayers and Praises:
Saban’s 92 year old grandfather is having some serious health concerns. Prayers for his recovery and for Saban’s family as they deal with this.
Also Saban’s daughter’s friend (age 14) had a cancerous mass that luckily (I believe he said) turned out to be a benign. Prayers for her continued healing (physical but also mental because that has got to be horrible to go through at such a young age).
Prayers for a member of my family who is facing some tough times. Prayers for the rest of us as we help him through it.
NMS:
I am known as a man of few words. Here are the ones for today: orbit, method, crosswalk, exterior. MIAGD!!