Having been forewarned that neither of the illustrious DZ site Q’s would be posting, YHC thought it would be clever to play a game of ‘capture the flag’ to retrieve the shovelflag and deliver a righteous beatdown along the way. It is Flag Day afterall. I’d write a witty pre-blast, organize a special surprise with Pierogi’s M, and revel in the glory of mass attendance at DZ. Maybe the most ever. Seriously, maybe even more than Ma Bell’s well-intended 5/31 Centennial Q. I suppose I could mention that it’s my birthday Q? Naw, that would sound too much like a desperate attempt to draw a crowd, a la Frisco. They’ll come in droves just for the thrill of a Flacco Q. I’d better arrive early to get everything set up and make sure the sprinklers aren’t on.
Hmmm…parking lot is awfully quiet at 5:25. It is early, I suppose. Darn – the sprinklers are on. Curse you, Cheddar Bo! I’ll just wait here in my car.
Wow, 5:40…still pretty quiet…
Surely everyone left early for the beach or other Father’s Day weekend getaways…
Surely all the other sites were also scantly attended…
Surely they misread the Q-sheet and thought Hi-Liter was Q-ing DZ today…
Lo, I kept telling myself these things as I awaited anxiously in my car for all the latecomers to come roaring into the parking lot. 5:40. 5:42. Any second now. 5:43. 5:44…’Twas a bit brisk outside, so the warmth of my bed was calling…maybe I’d just roll home and crawl back into the fartsack. Was I being CK’d? Were the rumors true that the reign of DZ was coming to an end? Then, just over the horizon, the glow of headlights. One…then two…oh boy! Here they come! I knew it! I knew it! They really do like me!
But wait…why is that guy parking and running off into the woods? I don’t recognize him, maybe an FNG confused by the lack of a prominently displayed shovelflag? No, I know…everyone parked somewhere else and they’re punking me – Sabre said he was on IR, or at the lake, or something…but I bet that was some sort of ruse! What a guy! Burt’s gonna come out of the woods wearing one flip-flop, leading a band of merrymen…the Pied Piper and his Posse of Punk’d Provocateurs, surprising me for my birthday weekend. THIS IS GOING TO BE EPIC! (I bet there’s even going to be cake, or Pivot’s gonna bring some of his famous breakfast-egg-souffle-in-a-cup thingy’s! And Joe Smith is gonna sing wearing that awesome flag shirt!) Dangit, I should have worn my US flag pants and USA tank top – the fellas would have loved it! Or my Halloween costume! That killed!
Tic-toc. Tic. Toc. Seconds slowly rolled past. Who was in that second car? Didn’t they get the memo about the surprise? I’d better not acknowledge them so they don’t feel bad that they’re ruining the surprise. I’ll pretend I’m getting a jump on my backblast and fiddle with my phone. Oh crap, only 10 seconds to go before the clock strikes 5:45, and God forbid I launch the workout late – I’m sure Saban’s among those merry men hiding in the woods. Oh wait, school’s out so he can spare a few minutes…but, still.
One last attempt to psyche myself up, I bound out of the car and in my very best Hello Kitty/Funny Bonz impersonation yell ‘LET”S GO!’
Silence.
No merry men.
“Oh, hey Press On, good to see you bro. It’s gonna be an awkward game of Capture the Flag with just the two of us. You ready? Do I really need to give the disclaimer? It’s kind of embarrassing to say it just to you. And we have no flag to say the Pledge. So…yeah, sorry about that, you can thank Pierogi and Flip-Flop. Speaking of flip-flop, you didn’t see Burt lurking in the woods did you? Okay then, let’s mosey…”
Thang 1: Run to Pierogi’s house to actually capture the flag. The shovelfag. Bring the shovelflag back to AO. Plant it. Get it? ‘Capture the Flag’. Oh man, that’s about the best idea I’ve had all year. So glad so many PAX were here for it!!
Circle Up (discuss how to form a circle with only two PAX): Good Morning (no one said Nature Boy’s infamous line – this is getting off to a great start), Imperial Walkers, SSH, and some others I can’t remember. Really, does it matter?
Thang 2: Modified Capture the Flag. Split into teams – count off 1’s and 2’s (Press-On: “1”, Flacco: “2”) Complete pyramids of varying upper body and lower body exercises of increasing difficulty, run up the pickle in between sets.
Round 1
- 10 merkins, 5 squat jumps, 1 run
- 15 merkins, 10 squat jumps, 2 run
- 20 merkins, 15 squat jumps, 3 run
- Everyone down in plank-race to capture flag (nevermind, it really is just too depressing to do this with two people…let’s just move on to Round 2)
Round 2
- 10 lunges, 5 plank jacks, 1 skip
- 15 lunges, 10 plank jacks, 2 skips
- 20 lunges, 15 plank jacks, 3 skips
- Everyone down in plank-race to capture flag (ditto)
Round 3
- 10 Carolina Dry Docks, 5 jump-tucks, 1 bearcrawl
- 15 Carolina Dry Docks, 10 jump-tucks, 2 bearcrawls
- 20 Carolina Dry Docks, 15 jump-tucks, 3 bearcrawls
- Everyone down in plank-race to capture flag (ditto)
Round 4
- 10 jump lunges, 10 sideplank star crunches, 1 karaoke
- 15 jump lunges, 16 sideplank star crunches, 2 karaoke
- 20 jump lunges, 18 sideplank star crunches, 3 karaoke
- Everyone down in plank-race to capture flag (and one last, lonely ditto)
Mary: how about some stretching instead?
Announcements: It’s Flag Day. Yay.
Praise/Prayers: Thank God Press-On came.
NMS: You win some…you lose some…amiright, Callahan?
Thank you for your leadership!