Like most guys whenever Orphan asks me to do something I always ask “Will Garfield be there?” Not because there is anything wrong with Orphan, he’s okay, mostly okay, but Garfield is just cool. I played a lot of sports as a kid (Madden Football, Blades of Steel, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, and some Duck Hunt to stay well rounded) so that meant I had little time to pursue being cool.
So when Orphan offered up a little 2nd F walk with himself and Garfield I jumped at the opportunity. (Most people don’t know this–and I don’t like to brag–but once Garfield said to me “Hi, Frisco”. Check one off the bucket list!) Thus it was on a muggy morning in the POGL I set out to meet up with the B boys for some 2nd F.
When I arrived at the meeting spot I found Garfield sitting on a bench looking regal. A line of teenage boys in t-shirts that said things like “Carmine’s Lawn Care Service” stood off to the side flanked by Orphan. Why Orphan was wearing a suit coat and tie with his shorts I had no idea.
Garfield was speaking to one of the boys. “You come to me on the day of my walk with Frisco…” Whatever the meeting was about it didn’t take long and soon Orphan, Garfield and I were on our way.
“The Lawn Services Union of POGL is having a problem with our friends in Cary,” Garfield said to Orphan.
“I will take care of it, Don Garfield,” Orphan replied, as he tossed his suit jacket and tie into some bushes.
“I thought Don was your hospital name, Garfield,” I said.
Garfield waved a hand. “Do you know what ‘swimming with the fishes’ means, Frisco?” I nodded and quickly changed the subject.
So I had been zombie clawing forward out of a Lockdown-induced fartsack streak when Orphan’s offer for a 2nd F mosey/walk with him and Garfield came in. Pierogi had extended the same offer a week before but a) he is Cary Familia and I didn’t want to cross the POGL Don, and b) at the last Carpex Dads Pierogi’s kids beat me up, took my lunch money, and told me to remember that I “fell down”. There is no way to explain the terror of being pursued through the woods by two kids trained in the Polish martial art of Buttkick. Don’t believe me? Just look at the hollow eyed 1,000 yard stare of former DZ co-site Q Flip Flop. (Little known fact: The recent DZ shovel flag transition is the first one in Carpex history ever to be caused by a site Q refusing to come out from under his bed on Fridays. Now when Ma Bell was Nan’tan…)
Garfield is a good kid (outside of things like fixing Lawn Services Union’s elections and the Water Balloon “Incident” of 2019). He is weathering, maybe even thriving in his teenage years, much, much better than I did. Never have I felt so keenly the adverse impacts of growing up without a strong male role model in my daily life as I have since my own 2.0 Supercell hit his pre-teen stage. I mean for the love of Mike I have a 10 year old with a mustache coming in. I keep checking under his Pokemon posters to see if they are secretly covering pinup girl calendars. It seems like overnight we went from being able to joke around to me weighing everything coming out of his mouth looking for some form of disrespect . It’s like Defcon 5 up in here!
So while I wanted to hang out with what’s his name, I desperately needed to ask Garfield “How did you get this way?” and whether there was any chance he wanted to be emancipated from his parents so I could adopt him so he could help me raise my 2.0. (He didn’t but thanks anyways to Texas Ranger for drawing up the paperwork). Garfield is in sports but not to the point where they are overwhelming. He works out with F3. Sometimes he is the one to motivate his dad to get up, other times it’s the other way around. And sometimes he just sleeps in. He has a job mowing lawns (a cover obviously). He has his setbacks and mistakes (like the time Yoda convinced him to get a bright green mohawk), but he keeps moving forward. He keeps getting stronger.
It was also really good to see the interaction between the two of them. I said to my wife last night “I think my son and I can’t be friends any longer. If I have to choose ‘buddy’ or ‘father’ it has to be father.”
Too many adults try to be their kid’s ‘friend’. I have seen the fallout from that. It’s not pretty. Kids raised without guide rails have to find them on their own, usually by crashing hard into the ones society sets and enforces. Society is less forgiving than a parent. The other extreme is the draconian parent but that has a built in shelf life / failure point because at 18 your rules don’t apply and they can do what they want. It’s like walking a tight rope blindfolded over alligators on one side and sharks on the other.
On that walk this morning I found some of the answers I was looking for. Garfield respects and loves his father but Orphan lives a life deserving of respect and love. Kids should follow the rules of their parents. That is how authority works. But you can’t demand respect from anyone. Leaders get respect. Leaders lead by example, they lead from the front. A parent’s ability to influence by leadership lives on long after their ability to control with authority fades.
I know Orphan has his occasional fartsack (I mean let’s be honest you don’t get a beer gut so big you can’t see your own feet without clocking some serious FS streaks. Now when Ma Bell was Nan’tan…). But when you do fall down, you get back up and you let them see you get back up since that really is the measure of character. Let them see you accept a helping hand. Let them see you be that helping hand.
I am short one manual on Being A Father And Dad On A Daily Basis. I am building the runway 43 inches in front of the plane. Still it was a good walk this morning with a couple of HIMs, filled with 2nd F and muskrat watching.
It was a walk I will remember.