It was a chilly morning when I rolled into the site sometimes known as ATeam, sometimes known as Dazed and Confused, and today known as Maskers of the Universe. I noted two things immediately. First, I was late. Second, I was Q which meant everyone else was actually too early since the Q is never wrong.
“5:30 start,” Meatloaf said. He was scanning the landscape for holes full of mud since one had attacked him the last time the Maskers posted at this site.
“It’s 5:30 somewhere,” I said cheerfully.
“I don’t think it works that way,” quipped a small voice.
I looked over to see Milton Bradley standing there. Only he had shrunk 2 feet.
“I told you to stop smoking, Milton,” I said. “You’ve totally stunted—no, totally reversed your growth.”
“This is Einstein,” Meatloaf said. “My youngest.”
Yeah, right, I thought, who would name their kid ‘Einstein’. I thought I could smell some cigarette smoke in the air; though to be fair I had been wearing the same workout clothes for 3 days straight so it could have been that.
I outsourced the pledge to Sega and gave the Maskers mask procedures (if you feel like you’re being waterboarded step away and take it off for a second until you feel okay to jump back in masked). Then it was a short mosey to the nearby parking lot where we could keep SD.
I decided to give Meatloaf a little test on the run since I knew he would be distracted by what I was sure now was my 3 day old clothes.
“How is college going for Milton Bradley?” I asked.
“Great,” Meatloaf replied as he tried to tighten his mask. It looked like it was cutting off circulation. Maybe I needed to reconsider one set of workout clothes for a week.
But I had what I wanted. The last I had heard Milton was trying to get into a ‘university’ which is a totally different word than ‘college’. Not even any of the same letters. I also now knew that Meatloaf had apparently named all of his children after scientists. I was learning so much about this enigmatic man.
We circled up for the standard Frisco Lockdown warm up. That is the sequence of exercises I came up with while Zooming it and now I can’t seem to stop or try anything different.
WARM UP:
Sir Faz
Liverpool’s Seal claps
Reverse Sir Faz
Overhead claps
Steve Earls
Some other stuff that I only remember in the moment.
THANG:
My original plan had been to do a Death By Burpees workout. But I wanted to find out more about the Meatloaf crew. So we did BLIMPs with sprints, lunges or bear crawls in between each letter.
The topic of Einstein’s recent birthday came up during the first round of BLIMPs. Meatloaf informed me that just about everyone in his family’s birthday or some other special day came up in June.
“Yeah,” Ashbury laughed. “Mine’s in October. As a kid I could never understand why everyone else was getting a celebration in June. I had to wait until Oct—“
“Yeah, yeah, sure, that’s great,” I said to Ashbury, cutting him off. I wanted to learn about the Meatloaf family dynamics. Their stories. Who they were. Their successes and struggles. What made them tick. Perhaps there would be a key into why no one seemed concerned about Milton’s reversal in height. Whatever Ashbury wanted to talk about would have to wait.
On the second set of BLIMPs I casually inquired whether Milton Bradley/Einstein would be going back to university.
“I’m only in the 6th grade,” he said. I watched Meatloaf and the others for reactions but there were none. So it wasn’t just his height! Milton had reversed course in school, too.
“I have been thinking a lot about college,” Ashbury said. “Frisco, what do you think about—“
“Yeah, we heard you, Ashbury. Birthday in October. Got it.” I could not believe Ashbury was stuck on that birthday thing when his 19 year old brother was back in 6th grade. Or was it back…?
After one particularly grueling set of burpees, I asked Einstein how long he had been in the 6th grade.
“They’re not in school right now, Frisco,” Meatloaf said. “We home school so we have some flexibility when…”
He said more but I was lost in my thoughts. It was all clear now. Meatloaf’s entire family had dropped everything to get Milton Bradley through all of this. Man, I admired this guy! (I had to fail 6th grade 3x before someone in my family noticed!).
The strain was obvious though. Meatloaf had a beard down to his knees. Sega had gotten a sunburn recently which probably really meant he had tattoos. And Ashbury was obsessed with some sort of holiday in October. (Note: National Pet Obesity Day, Global Handwashing Day, International ShakeOut Day and National Cheese Curd Day all fall in October so it may have been one of those. Though why a kid his age cared about any of those is anyone’s guess.)
We finished up the BLIMPs and I called PAX-led exercises so I had time to process everything I had heard. This was my one chance to influence this situation without Yoga Mat blathering on and stealing my thunder with his “Prairie Home Companion” style advice and stories.
“Look, Einstein, you’re a smart kid—“ I started.
“I’m smart, too,” Ashbury yelled. “I built a perpetual motion engine. It runs on carbon dioxide and discarded plastic. I think it can change the wor—“
I waived him quiet. There were a lot of words that I didn’t know in what he had just said forgo (my word of the day) it probably wasn’t important.
“Like I was saying,” I shot Ashbury a warning look. “I want you to give up smoking, Einstein.”
The college-aged 6th grader gave his dad a questioning look. Meatloaf just shrugged. Great, I’m on my own here, I thought. “Smoking will keep you short. ForEVER!”
“I’m not short!” Einstein protested.
“Don’t you want to go to college?” I said. “Back to college? How are you going to pull off using a fake id if you look like you’re in the 6th grade!?! Trust me it doesn’t work. I know.”
“Uh, Frisco…” Meatloaf said.
“Right, sorry,” I replied. The “back to college’ comment was probably too close to home right now. “It’s time for Mary. Remember what I said, Milton.”
Milton / Einstein hadn’t said he would quit smoking but by the way Meatloaf was checking his watch I knew he was sending his own private message to him: it’s TIME to listen to Frisco’s advice. We’re a unified front.
Einstein continued to protest that he never smoked and Ashbury was talking about holidays but I ignored them all and moved on to Mary. I knew from watching The Office that sometimes Scared Straight tactics took a while to sink in. But I had started the ball rolling and someday these guys would all thank me. Hopefully in cash.
I spent the Mary making them call exercises while I sat back and considered becoming a Scared Straight counselor. Why not? I had earned a little break.
We finished with 5 burpees because Ashbury sullenly failed to correctly guess my favorite band. Perhaps next time I need to do an intervention on this November obsession thing.
COT:
Count-a-rama: 2 Mehs and 3 Frisco Fans (depending on how you classify Milton / Einstein)
Prayers and Praises:
⁃ My M for continued healing
⁃ Yoga Mat’s toe to heal (which I thought I heard Meatloaf specifically praying fervently for under his breath.)
⁃ Meatloaf’s M who is having migraines (I think those things may be contagious because the entire family was rubbing their temples by the time we got to COT).
NMS
I am a man of few words. Here are some: cessation, attentive, pro move.
As always Frisco Qs impact so many. I am glad to be able to provide my own unique brand of leadership.
Some background that might help you make sense of this: I have _four_ kids, Milton Bradley (at college), Ashbury, Sega, and (newly started this month) Einstein. Most of you have not yet met Einstein, who got his name from F3 Dads.