I don’t go DZ much.
There are a lot of reasons: It’s in Virginia. The last time I Q-ed there the site went through a period of severe attendance drop off. I was one of the paparazzi covering the disc golf circuit when Flip Flop let the jet-setting-fast-cars-and-faster-women lifestyle of a disc golf player get out of control. Pierogi and I were childhood rivals for the affection of Magdalena, the prettiest girl in the village in Moldova where we grew up.
But my good friend Disco Duck was Q-ing out there and HIMs support their friends. Also, I had uncovered some photos of Flip Flop’s “lost weekend” at the 2017 Disc Golf Championship in Vegas. I figured either he or the six Victoria Secret models in the photos would be interested in purchasing them at a steep premium.
I rolled in at 5 minutes ‘til hoping to find a parking space…and found one car in the parking lot. It wasn’t Duck. It was Wahoo.
“Have you seen, Disco Duck?” I asked.
“Yes, many times,” Wahoo said and walked off.
Flip Flop arrived with the shovel flag. I walked up and casually dropped a few photos at his feet. He picked them up and flipped through them. “Why did you photoshop me into a bunch of photos with Victoria Secret models?” he asked.
“Exactly,” I said. “Now, let’s discuss pay—wait, what?!” I snatched the photos. It was true. Upon closer inspection it was obvious they were blatant forgeries.
“Did you pay for those?” he asked.
“Of course not,” I said, making a mental to find Hello Kitty when he got back from the BRR.
Press On walked up. “Where’s Disco?”
“We don’t know,” Flip Flop said.
“Has this happened before?” Wahoo asked. “Disco not showing up for a Q, I mean. Not the blatant blackmail attempt by Frisco.”
Press On suddenly hugged himself. “Oh no! Not again.”
“You tried to blackmail, Press On?” Wahoo asked.
“No, he was the only one here when Flacco got stood up by all of Carpex,” I replied.
“Flacco here. Me here. No one here,” Press On said. “Capture the flag. Ha ha. Ha ha. Two man capture the flag. Ha ha. Flacco here. Me here. No one here.”
“What’s with Press On?” Saban asked as he walked up. “Where’s Disco?”
“We don’t know,” Flip Flop said.
“You really were the only one here?” Wahoo asked Press On.
“We’re Flacco-ing another Q?” Callahan asked as he walked up. “Usually you have to call that stuff beforehand, Frisco. Where’s Disco?”
“It’s happening again. No, no, no…” Press On began massaging his temples. “I am at the beach. Safe place. Happy, happy. No one is playing capture the flag.”
“It’s okay, big guy. Sun’s going down,” I said to him, checking my watch. “It looks like the Q is Flacco-ing us this time.”
“Oh,” Press On said, looking around. He relaxed. “If Disco’s not here I suppose I could—”
“I’m Q-ing,” I said. “Pledge of Allegiance. Starting position. Move!”
“It’s happening again. No, no, no…” Flip Flop muttered, massaging his temples. “I am at the beach. Safe place. Happy, happy. Frisco is not Q-ing.”
“Can we, uh, talk about this?” Saban said.
But it was too late. I launched into the Pledge and then started the mosey before anyone could get their bearings and stop me. I knew this was my chance to redeem myself as a DZ Q or shut DZ down forever with a cluster Q to end all cluster Qs. All I had to do was figure out what to do for the next 45 minutes.
Warm Up:
- Side Straddle Hops
- Merkins
- Good Mornings
- Abe Bagodas
- Left/Right Calf Stretches
As we warmed up I did a quick count. Six PAX! That was an even number! I could pair everyone up into teams. This was going to be easy.
“Where’s Disco?” Rip Cord said as he jogged up. I cursed! Seven!! I had a sinking feel that it wasn’t an even number. I doled out some penalty burpees to buy time while I frantically scanned the gloom, looking for inspiration on what do with 7 PAX (that’s what she said).
Thang 1:
100 merkins / 200 jump squats / 300 star crunches (both legs = 1 rep)
We jogged over to the soccer field and lined up along one side for some partner DORA. For some reason after we partnered up one person didn’t have a partner. My suspicions had been correct: 7 was not an even number. I chose to work in with Flip Flop and Wahoo.
Run to the end of the soccer field (which according to Wahoo was apparently not regulation length)
Pick up the 6 when your team finishes.
Thang 2:
During Thang 1, I discovered two sandbags had been left on the soccer field. Flip Flop had apparently seen them too because when I retrieved them he said “Oh, you didn’t trip on those. Good. I was worried you might not have been able to see them and would have tripped and had to stop Q-ing.”
We carried the coupons to the far side of the field. Luckily, Pierogi tossed me head first into the rock pile after my last DZ Q so I knew right where it was. I distributed the sand bags to two PAX who admitted having a fear of snakes and sent the rest of the PAX to grab ego-sized coupons.
We lined up along the field and did overhead presses, shifted to the left to change coupons then did triceps extensions. Another shift of coupons then curls for girls.
“You know this actually isn’t completely horrible, Frisco,” Flip Flop said.
“So, I can Q here again?” I asked.
“We’re booked up that day,” he replied.
We lunge walked and moseyed across the field holding our coupons aloft for some PAX-counted rock work. Someone mumbled something about how soggy the fields were, so I called LBCs with rocks up. Nothing worse than wasting a good bit of soggy grass.
Time was slipping by, so we moseyed back across the field and returned our coupons.
Mary:
On the way back to the flag, I discovered two more coupons. Flip Flop again marveled that I had managed not to trip over them. He asked if I thought I would have tripped if they had had a rope or barbed wire stretched between them.
Circle up for Mary. I distributed the coupons to Saban and Press On and had Saban lead the first Mary. We passed the sang bags to the left and Press On chose and led the Mary. Pass to the left so that everyone got some sand bag Mary. Rip Cord called merkins and put the sandbag on his back. Show off!! 😊
COT:
Count-a-rama: 1 Respect and 6 Mehs
Announcements:
Odyssey on Oct 5th, 9/11 Stair Climb next Wednesday. Golf Tournament on Oct 7th.
Prayers and Praises:
Prayers for everyone affected by the hurricane.
YHC took us out.
NMS:
I am known as a man of few words. It was great leading you HIMs today. It’s almost as if Disco Duck and I planned it that way…