So I have this reoccuring nightmare where I wake up and Term Paper is–wait, Smokey told me not to use real names–so where “John Marriott” is–wait, Smokey said I can’t benefit from any therapy until my check clears.
We’ll get back to the nightmare later. Suffice it to say that whenever I run into “John Marriot” at a workout I make sure I am not dreaming by pinching him. In my nightmare, “John” has a high pitched voice and sounds like a smurf getting their tail pulled when you pinch them.
I arrived early (~5:28am) for my VQ (#54) at Bounty Hunters. BH holds a special place in my heart because it’s where I posted first. So it’s also where I was named after the ruggedly, handsome character played by Robert Redford in the Frisco Kid–sequel to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. (hey, its my BB. You want truth and accuracy go watch a Presidential debate).
I was not expecting a big crowd since the new El Capitan AO was opening today and all the mouth breathers would be there for the promise of free coffee. (And true to his word, Prodigal did hand out pictures of coffee to everyone) I counted 4 people who had forgotten to Q-shop and was considering my options when two more strolled in making us an even 7.
“Daaaad, I wanted to go to Ollie’s Q,” complained Brave Heart, Term Paper’s 2.something. “He was going to stream video of Prodigal giving away pictures of free coffee to mouth breathers.”
“I told you I can’t turn left with this bad arm,” Term Paper said. And it was true. His orthopedic surgeon had recommended having TP’s arm permanently splinted in an outstretched position so that he could not…um, let’s just say repeat the repetitive motions that caused the original injury in early 1980s and had been compounding ever since.
Momma’s Boy rolled up on his bike (the pedal kind, not the kind that takes gas and guarantees you meet hot chicks). That made 8 which also turned out to be an even number.
As usual I outsourced the Pledge (if my check clears today I’ll drop in the story of my REAL first VQ when I forgot the words to the Pledge and had to listen to “Are you kidding me!?” from Hermes through all four attempts). Then we were off. I had to deposit some cash in the ATM to cover the check I had written to Smokey so I took our mosey over to the Town Center. To my suprise the ATM had been demolished. The PAX were waiting so I took Silver Fox’s suggestion and left my cash on the sidewalk and scribbled a note asking the bank employees to deposit the money in my account whenever the ATM was rebuilt.
Warm Up:
I know it happened.
After 93 VQs I have come to see the value in the Hello Kitty Principle when it comes to designing a workout routine: It doesn’t matter if a workout sucks as long as the PAX get a shirt with a cool design on it. I only had the shirt I was wearing and Pity the Fool had already yelled at me to put it back on and stop asking for $1 bills so anything exotic was out of the question. I went with the tried and true DORA.
We partnered up and Brave Heart drew the short straw and got me as a partner. I actually keep a number of short straws on hand so that I can influence the partner selection. Brave Heart was young and I knew I could dump most of the work on him.
Thang 1: DORA
100 Merkins
200 LBCs
300 Squats
I had made it about 6 steps into my pickle run when Brave Heart yelled “Done!”
I turned around, shocked. “You did the entire DORA in 5 seconds?” I asked incredulously. He nodded.
“Okay,” I said to everyone. “New plan. Double DORA. 200, 400, 600.”
I figured that would give me enough time to get around the pickle and get in the 2 merkins I had planned to do in the original DORA.
Thang 1 (modified):
200 Merkins
400 LBCs
600 Squats
I made it around the pickle and there were still exercises to do (I told Brave Heart the merkins were control freak merkins and they were on my down, not his. I’m not a jerk though. I called a “down” before I took off running so he wouldn’t be waiting for me in a plank.)
To keep Brave Heart and I somewhat in sync with the other teams I counted all of my reps as negatives. He almost caught on when I told him we were at -20 squats but luckily I was able to distract him with “Isn’t that an Instantgram model over there taking selfies?” Yes I know the kids aren’t on Instantgram anymore but I wasn’t about to say “look a Timber model”. (According to Ma Bell Timber is an app has something to do with how today’s generation of guys meet chicks nowadays rather than the old tried and true method of going to a bar, getting drunk, and throwing up on a girl’s shoes to start up a conversation)
Thang 2: 7s
We had some time left so I called 7s. I asked Pity for an exercise to which he prompty replied “burpees”. To which I promptly changed to sumo squats. I couldn’t come up with anything to promptly combat his suggestion of burpees for the second exercise so that’s what we did on the other end.
Mary:
We headed back to the Skate Park (with a minor time killing stop at the Stop and Yield sign). Another thing I have learned through my 103 VQs is to outsource Mary among the PAX.
As we started Parker stepped out of the bushes as he was spraying fake sweat on himself. He said he had run the Happy Dino and we all made murmurs of approval because that’s what friends who are too tired to call you out do. He called WW2s which were promptly followed up by Brave Heart who called WW2s. I made sure to finish Mary with WW2s in case anyone wasn’t sick of them yet. (Big Red did mention he thought he had broken his coccyx with all the WW2s but frankly he shouldn’t have had that thing tucked under him. Freakin’ braggart.)
COT:
Count A Rama: 2 respects, 6 Mehs, 1 Hate
Announcements:
If you’ve read this far you probably have no life so you should be free for the Carying Place’s Nov 1st Mulch and Clean Up day. Details on Slack. Parker assured us this time it’s not really Beaker’s yard.
Oddessy coming up. Details on Slack. Sag Wagon and bike riding spots open. Dirty Ruckers are expected to be out in force with 2x their usual numbers (i.e., 2 guys rucking). Details on Slack.
Q sheet is wide open and it’s not just the workouts that Hi-Liter frequents. Fill up those spots. I received a really cool BH sticker as a reward for Q-ing today at BH. I am the first one to have ever received it which is really cool. (Wrench and some other guy stole theirs.)
At Claymore, Pickles and I try to trip Qs during our workouts so we can increase future attendance at the IR site. So you can get something to remember your Q at just about every site you go to.
Prayers and Praises:
For our F3 brother High Tower in Myrtle Beach who was killed in the line of duty responding to a domestic dispute call. For our nation in these trying times.
Closing:
Parker took us out since he had plenty of energy.
NMS:
I have managed to keep this BB short so I won’t ruin that here. Just remember that tomorrow is not promised. Get on the Q sheet. Read to your kids. Be the man the people you love deserve. Be the leader the world needs.