It was a rainy morning in the gloom at Hot for Teacher. 12 PAX showed up expecting to be put through the paces at Camp Frisco…but YHC noted that everyone’s dues were paid in full up to March so a kinder, gentler beatdown was in order. (Camp Frisco motto: “Why breathe boring regular free air when CF can sell you premium air for the same cost plus a minor mark up?!?”) According to a million of sciencetific and business people studies done by scientists in white coats and with benson burners and tubes of bubbling liquid around them, people who pay for Camp Frisco tend to be happier, live longer, and get the partner or job of their dreams (as long as their dues remain consistently paid up).
I probably should mention now that I am still under cold medication protocol so I might go off on random tangents. But I am confident that when I edit I’ll get them all weeded out.
So our Nan’tan is still recovering from his first day after Dry January and hasn’t posted in six weeks. He wasn’t at HFT technically so I can’t verify the accuracy of that statement but scientific people have done studies to show that fake news has a kernel of truth 10% of the time which is good enough for YHC to consider it 100% true. Just to call it out I did NOT vote for our current Nan’tan! #WhatQualifiesaFailedInstagramModelToBeNan’tan #IvotedforTheStrangeBeardedGuyinBrightYellowHotPants
(Don’t worry I’ll take that paragraph about Shutty out during editing.)
YHC hasn’t mentioned it yet but I took a little cold medicine to get through the Q this morning. I have been out for a week since Krispy (pro-tip: running in no sleeves in the February cold is stupid). As I rolled in I noticed there were 4 Hates clustered around a small fire in a garbage can. From what I could tell they had been there all night in anticipation of Camp Frisco. I am used to total adoration from Hates and Respects so I steeled myself for excessive fawning.
“Hi, Frisco,” Hanson said. “Can you not put me in the Back Blast? Whenever you do it–”
“Just stop, Hanson. Just stop.” I sighed. “Yes, I know I am G.O.A.T. that is a new hip term the youngsters are using by the way.”
“I didn’t say anything about–”
I continued, ignoring Hanson’s statement that veiled the question of what I thought he should do with his life. “But you have important skills too. No one knows what those skills are yet because currently everything we’ve seen from you is garbage but that just means it’s inside you somewhere. And you shouldn’t start fires in trash cans.”
“What trash can? Fire? Never mind, Frisco–” Hansen started then looked down at the bottle Disco Duck must have put into my hands. “Wait, you know that’s turpentine not cold medicine right?”
“Don’t worry, its prescription turpentine, Hanson. ‘Cold medicine’ is probably the generic name.” Kids today and their obsession with reading labels.
“I promise I won’t put you in the back blast, Red Ryder,” I said, calming his fears. “Sorry I dodged your SNS Q by the way.”
“No, I’m Hanson,” Red Ryder said. For some reason Red Ryder turned into a large caterpillar (the bug, not the machine) and sauntered off into the gloom.
“Suck it, caterpillar!” I yelled after him. “Oh hey Hanson. Glad you made it. Do you want to be in the Back Blast?”
“No,” he said. “That’s what I wanted to talk to–”
“Great,” I said. “Let’s get this shindig started. Kids say that by the way. You can use it.”
It was 5:30 am and time to start. I went through my checklist.
- Check to see if Slide Rule is here since I stole his workout from Tiger Blood last week
- Ask Jiggly Puff for our motto and something else that for some reason slips my mind now. Maybe mission statement.
- Disclaimer
- Outsource the Pledge to another failed instagram model.
- Mosey and try not to slip and bust my backside in front of the Hates
- Check to see if any other PAX fell so I can give them the disclaimer again
- Find out that my Weinke has turned into a pile of wet mushy paper and wing the Q from memory
- Make a mental note to ask after the workout who drank all of my turpentine cold medicine
Warm Up:
I realized during the mosey that I was literally going to pass out during the Q–probably during the warm up. (I heard Revere tell someone “we are running so slow I think we are going backwards.”) It was time to outsource the Q but in a way that I could take credit for Q-ing still.
5 Burpees OYO delivered care of Lindy’s loud mouth :)
Good Mornings
SSH
Mountain Climbers (maybe?)
Sir Fazio Back/Fwd
Imperial Walkers into Hill Billies
Probably something else. Red Ryder caterpillar man had returned and was giving me the evil eye. (I didn’t need one however so I gave it back. The PAX all shuffled nervously away from me.)
Thang 1:
12’s — American Hammers + Double Merkin Absolutions (6 count exercise). Do 1 Hammer, 11 Absolution, 2 /10 , etc. There was supposed to be a mosey every third set but the Hates looked eager to run (away) so I didn’t want to give them the opening to suddenly realize they had school or a braver party or whatever it is youngsters to avoid painting fences.
Thang 2:
Pair up, 10 burpees each, partners run either side of the pickle and meet in the middle on the other side. 8 burpees each, run back, 6 burpees, etc. down to 2.
Thang 3:
Brokeback / Backbroke merkin combo. Pair up, one of you does 10x backbroke, the other does 10x brokeback. Run half the pickle and meet in the middle, etc. 8, etc. down to 2.
My partner was Etch-a-Sketch. I discovered early on if he put his feet on the small of my back it hurt a lot. He was worried about getting in enough jumping jacks so we compromised with him standing on my low back jumping up and down. I am 90% certain the leprechauns that kept dogging our heels told him to do it.
Mary: PAX Choice since I had already outsourced everything including the Pledge by that point. If you can’t Q it make someone else do it. Triple Lindey called 300 Homer to Marge’s and refused to let me call Have A Nice Day until he got them all in.
COT:
Count-a-rama: 0 Respects, 8 Mehs, (2 were dirty ruckers) , 4 Hates
Announcements:
DAC may or may not be moving. Watch Slack.
Raleigh’s CSAUP, the Mule, is coming up. I ran it last year. It’s good.
Prayers and Praises:
Disco’s M and my M.
Mohawk took us out because he is just freakin’ awesome (and was also standing beside me).
NMS:
Had I been more coherent (blame Jiggly Puff for making me drink all of that cold medicine during my Q) I would have said the below rather than whatever actually came out of my mouth (I wrote this last night):
I am not a very religious guy, more of a check-the-box Christian. (Believe in God, check, go to Midnight Mass once a year at Christmas, check-ish, and so on) I tend to avoid discussing anything religious or spiritual because F3 is not Christian. We have guys with different religions, guys with no religion, etc. No one is trying to convert anyone. No one wants to debate. We just support each other. Period.
That being said while I am a check-the-box Christian I also grew up deep in it so the gestalt from my past colors the way I think through things. I have studied a few other religions and I can see some parallels between Krishna and his fight with the demon to bring back the light to humanity (basis of the Dewali festival in some regions in India) in the thoughts swirling through my brain. But sometimes we only can speak in the language we started out in. Apologies to my brothers with other starting languages if any offense is given. This series of thoughts came through that filter and it’s the only way I can seem to process it.
There were three guys on the hill where Jesus died on the cross: two thieves and Jesus. They get glossed over a lot, those two thieves. But to me that is one of the most important messages in what I can remember from the Bible. No one can carry your burden for you, but that doesn’t mean you have to carry it alone. Even in that story the perfect man, God in human flesh, loses faith. Just for a moment, but it happened.
Who knows what happened on that hill. I asked my preacher once about it when I was a kid. He told me not to focus on the two thieves, focus on Jesus. Jesus uplifted the thieves, he didn’t NEED them. But I don’t accept that. Maybe that’s even what is written there, but I still don’t believe it. To me that story is about the hero falling but being caught and helped back up by two people that are the farthest from being heroes.
When I am EH-ing guys I get that question “Aren’t you guys a Christian group?” No we’re not. A lot of guys pray to the Christian God to close out COT but I have heard Hindu and Muslim prayers or just a poem or passage of text read. People tend to speak in the language they grew up with. Mostly we are just trying to tell ourselves and our brothers, we don’t have to carry it alone, even between all of us. There is something or someone out there who can carry what you or we together can’t.
What happened on that hill? Jesus lost faith just for a moment. God may be all knowing but Jesus was God shoved into a man’s flesh. Flesh isn’t all knowing. God had never died before, even for Jesus a leap of faith was required and He stumbled.
I think one of the thieves or maybe both, put aside their pain and suffering for a moment and said something like “We can’t get you down and who knows what is on the other side of Death so we can’t promise to be there with you. But we’re here now. You are not alone, brother. There are 3 here on this hill, not 1.”
I am probably mangling the story and misinterpreting it. But that is how I tell it in the language of my birth and the language I speak now. The second language is one where men don’t care what name another man uses for God or if they even believe in God. It is the one where men try to lead each other by example and support each other through the darkness rather than trying bend each other to their will.
I speak the language of thieves. The ones who steal hope back from the darkness…because there were 3.