Yep the weather app stated 11 degrees. At 6:40 a.m. YHC waited for next door neighbor @f3pierogi to emerge. Nothing. Damnation, he fartsacked on his own neighbor. That’s when YHC should have gone into his garage, utilizing Pierogi’s obvious garage code “TCUrulz”, to confiscate all his homebrew. But YHC didn’t. Instead moseyed/slid a couple of blocks to DZ. YHC was nervous. Ice appeared to be covering DZ—potentially spoiling YHCs plan for the 2nd Most Amazing Workout To Have Ever Happened (the 1st Most Amazing was here as written by @mccantscarpex). YHC really needed to consult with a DZ Site Q, preferable @sammyboilermakr because of his smarts and good looks…..alas Callahan was absent. I was stuck to consult with Callahan’s back-up singer @f3largemouth. YHC: “Largemouth, how does the AO look? Everything accessible?” Largemouth: “Huh” YHC: “The ice, Largemouth. Can I safely take these men into all parts of the DZ AO”? Largemouth: “Bro, I just bring the flag”. YHC: smh
A quick scan of the Greatest AO in Carpex revealed that DZ was in fact as icy as a Callahan F3 Christmas Party speech. This means only one thing: Audible City Part II. Here is Audible City Part I.
10 men huddled at the Shovel Flag and were ready to go. But wait. You know how FMJ gives away those koozies if you Q at their AO? Well, @burtcarpex has been giving away airplane bottles to various Q’sIC lately. Burt informed me the airplane bottles were leftover from the VT football games—–yes, Burt actually had these bottles in his pants at VT games. Since VT football season was really done before their appearance in the heralded Camping World Bowl, he didn’t need them anymore. At first I was excited!, but then upon closer inspection of my loot (see picture above), YHC made that #IJustShitted face. Seriously….Mango Pineapple, Whipped something, Fruit Rum Chata, and something called Kinky Pink. These aforementioned drinks are for folks at Dante’s Peak and VT Hokie fans. C’mon Burt, those drinks don’t belong at DZ. The Danger Zone Shovel Flag has a 22 oz koozie attached for man beers.
Eventually we got around to some fitness. Warm Up: 1.5 laps of the DZ Pickle, SSH x 20, GM x 10, Fazio’s forth x 10—>retro x 10, PJ x 10, Chilcut, Saturday Nite Stretch x 5. All performed in perfect cadence until we were interrupted by two flying vehicles coming into the gloom. The first looked like a cross between an X-Wing Starfighter and the Millennium Falcon: this thing was big and had 6 superbright headlamps ( @caslotta was jelly and had a bit of drool coming down his chin from the lumanage). The hitch cover on this thing had Jason’s mask (may have been a stormtrooper mask). Then out he came. Hair perfectly not groomed. Hans Flacco. Next car comes flying in looking like a brokedown Mir with Telestar wheels. Then out he came. Nair a Hair out of place. Crooked wrist. Sputnik!!! That makes 12 PAX. But where was Ford? He was all over SlackMe last night about posting at DZ.
Warm Up continued: SSH x 10. Jog 3/4 Pickle to parking spot—each man on own line. Start in plank with hands on parking line (perpendicular): perform lateral plank walk, then 5 Merkins. Repeat to end of parking line, then bearcrawl to next line. Same plank walk with x 10 MC. Repeat to end of parking line, then bearcrawl to next line. SumoSquats x 10—> sidestep x 1—> repeat to end of line.
Warm Up continued: 1. jog just outside the park to rails. Perform 2 sets of U.G.A.s Underdawg pull-ups x 15, Gorilla Humpers x 10, American Hammers x 20. Flip flop 2 sets. 2. jog to top of Pickle. Partner Up and sprint opposite directions around Pickle. Meet for x 10 burpees and x 10 FMs. Rinse and flip flop 3 sets. 3. Jog/slide to the picnic shelter. Alternating step-ups x 10, Dips x 10, Step Downs x 10 each leg. Flip flop 2 sets. 4. Jog to the basketball court. Modified Ring Of Fire. Perform a called exercise while 2 men on opposite parabolas sprint around cirlce. Repeat until all men perform sprint. Same with lateral slides and with bear crawl. A few team high-fives too.
The Thang Finally YHC got everyone warmed up and in the right mindset, but all the hard work was for naught. This is where the workout went south…..quick. It was at this point that Banjo @plainpocket decided he wanted to lead a new exercise. I obliged. Ya know, freed to lead Banjo. Then it happened. Banjo called the next exercise, exclaiming “Thigh Slides!!! On your six and when I say slide, you slide your hands up your thighs”. This was an uncomfortable moment for all PAX, however for some reason we performed 10 reps. Then…when we thought it was over….Banjo instructed us to move our hands to one thigh for, as he exclaimed, “Oblique Thigh Slides”. It was ugly. Banjo lost control of the PAX that I just spent 35 minutes grooming. And one thing was clear as day: This ‘Thigh Slide’ exercise is clearly in the exicon of Slippery When Wet. C’mon Banjo, don’t bring that here!
Warm Up YHC took back control of the PAX with a jog to the bottom of the parking lot. Facing uphill, sprint half way, then retro run the remainder. Here’s what’s scary: Sputnik, who at first shivered when YHC called retro sprint, took the lead……..but was heading straight toward a huge icy patch. Oddly it wasn’t @chanticleercarpex who warned him before fractured radius Part II, but Burt. Did I mention Burt was wearing two layers of tights? Dude wouldn’t stop talking about it. Claimed the first layer of tights were latex. Freakin’ weirdo.
Mary BCRs x 10 right leg, x 2 left leg. FMs x 20. Saban x 5 penalty merkins cuz UGA fan don’t like Sabans right now.
Overall for the first DZ workout of the year, the bar was set exceedingly low. Shout out to @f3bartman who came for Rolling Stone, but ended up performing most of the boot camp with his ruck on. Bonus Question answer: @sammyboilermakr the answer to your bonus question is Veronica Corningstone. No need for me to submit further information.
Count-a-Rama: 12 Name-a-Rama: check. No FNGs thank goodness. Announcements: none. men still in shock from Thigh Slides. Prayers: Banjo’s family member traveling overseas/studying abroad, John (Burts BIL) with his continued recovery. BOM: Banjo took us out with amazing inspiration, and more than made up for his lousy Thigh Slides. Thanks brother Banjo!
luv, Flip Flop