Date 8/18/18
QIC: Supercell (assistant to the QIC: Frisco)
AO: Carpex Dads
PAX: FNG: Archie (FNG), Bangle, Billy, Build-A-Bear, Callahan, Chanticleer, Cheseny, Chicken Puff, Denali, Ducktails, FNG: Flamin’ Hot, Frisco, Horsefly, Icy Pop, FNG: Pearls (That’s Plural), Pink-a-licious, Theismann, FNG: The Muggo, Thurston, Supercell, FNG: Water Boy, WKRP
Word Count/Time To Read: approximately Burt’s Morning “Reading” Routine x 2
22 HIMs & 2.0s gathered for a day of fun, flags, and water aerobics. YHC had originally planned a gladiator style chariot race until Supercell pointed out that grown men dragging around cardboard boxes at high speed like horses with children on them might lead to a few unexpected injuries. So YHC defaulted to a favorite American past time: Capture the Flag (CtF) and (in honor of this week’s favorite accessory) added in some pain-sticks—filled with water.
The day started off slightly bumpy. YHC and Supercell had filled up a 40 gallon drum full of water and driven it to Bond Park for the festivities. That turned out to be a heavy amount of water to drag from the Boat House parking lot to the large field beside the lake. 3/4 of the water made it and YHC decided to wear the rest of it (which Supercell thought was hilarious). We were very conscious of the 9AM start time as we set up everything. Unfortunately, YHC mistakenly thought Carpex Dads met at Community Center on the other side of the trees from where Phoenix meets. We managed to intercept Theismann and his two 2.0s and also direct them to the incorrect location (because two wrongs make a right). By 9:00 am it was just Supercell, YHC, Theismann and his two 2.0s: FNG Pearls (That’s Plural) and FNG Archie. Normally, YHC would question his own location accuracy but 1) the weather was threatening rain and 2) Ole Frisco is not known for his kindness to children, fluffy animals, old people, Ma Bell, and those who deny Neil Diamond’s influence on modern rock and roll or the 1980 punk rock scene. After being told we normally had upwards of 20 participants, Theismann offered to drive over to the Phoenix site to see if people were collecting there but YHC is also not known for allowing dissension in the ranks.
Once Theismann picked himself back up off the pavement I relented slightly and we mosey-ed over to the entrance of the other Community Center where I looked briefly for 15 seconds, yelled “F3” and then moved us on to the Capture the Flag site. Unfortunately, YHC—remembering the 10 gallons of water he was wearing—decided to leave his iPhone in the car. Which is why I missed Build-A-Bear’s Slack message at 9:08 am inquiring over my current location and also whether or not my parents had ever married (six months before I was born, Thank You Very Much!)
But the clock was running on the Fun Timer so—as Crimson would say—“we went with the team we had” and started the Warm Up and played a round of CtF. This turned out to be a good thing because YHC was able to work out some of the bugs in the game design. And then the unthinkable happened…
In Born In East L.A. (1987), Cheech Marin plays an American citizen who gets trapped on the other side of the Mexico-U.S. border and no one will believe him and let him back in. In one scene, he leads several hundred people down a hill in a mad dash to rush the border guards and break into the U.S. In the second round of CtF, Theismann suddenly stopped mid-run and pointed up the hill. For a moment the sun was in my eyes, but then I could make out Chanticleer, holding a child above his head as he lead the PAX behind him. Just like in the movie everything went into slow motion and Neil Diamond’s Coming to America filled the air. I yelled, I cheered, I jumped up and down while Chanticleer tossed the child into the air like a baton.
“Look, Theismann,” I said. “It’s Oofta and he found the PAX!!” (For some reason Theismann decided not to let YHC know he was wron–not completely correct and instead hunched his back and said “Yes! Yes. Igor knows it to be true!!” )
And So It Began…
The Thang:
The game was a thing of beauty and chaos. Since there were children present YHC decided to make it fair and divided the PAX into the weakest vs. the strongest players and put the strongest player on my team (Stacking the deck is an important lesson for kids to learn early). Adults who crossed the line and got hit with water had to do 3 merkins (it had been 5 merkins before the de-bugging session) and return to their side to reset. 2.Xs had the same penalty only SSH rather than merkins (I think one of them actually remembered to do it, too). The 40 gallon drum was in the middle of the field along the border line and there were a lot of water guns and water lances up for grabs (the latter able to shoot up to 30’).
NMS:
Thurston is a recent transplant from Charlotte, NC to the Carpex region (2 weeks ago). Apparently, giving the Q an atomic wedgie is how they say “good job” in Charlotte. Or at least that’s what he said…maybe I shouldn’t have sprayed him with water every time he asked me a question. Welcome to the area, brother!! CUITG! :)
Build-a-Bear turned out to be an excellent CtF player and quickly figured out how to conserve the ammo in his water lance in the face of a charge. Denali figured this out after the 3rd sacrifice run he sent YHC on against B-a-Bs. Unfortunately, Callahan kept yelling “Once more unto the breech dear friends, once more!” thus tricking Denali into sending YHC on additional sacrifice runs. Note: It’s too bad Build-a-Bear has let himself go to seed while his family is away traveling. He is up to at least 0.002% body fat by now. La Vida Loca takes a heavy toll.
Chanticleer took full advantage of YHC’s only mistake of the day (can we really call choosing the wrong starting location and misdirecting a fellow PAX a mistake?) and ran the perimeter snatching flags, laughing as YHC screamed for someone to “get Oofta!!!” Even the 2.Xs looked confused yet no one seemed to want to let their fearless leader know he was wro—that he was not 100% right about the running man’s identify.
Horsefly played defense well and was not taken in by YHC’s attempt to sneak onto her team’s side, pretending to be on that team. YHC thought he was pretty slick, yelling encouragement to the enemy as he quietly crept towards the enemy flags. Until he discovered a stern looking Horsefly guarding the flags. She did smile as she blasted YHC square in the face from less than a foot away. Did I mention those water lances could hit something up to 30’ away…
Theismann’s teenager 2.0 FNG Archie was a dynamo out there and stole at least 4 flags (and WKRP’s self confidence—don’t try to chase someone 40 years younger than you, dude). His sister, FNG Pearls (That’s Plural), had a great technique. Any adult (friend or enemy) within reach of her water lance quickly paid the price for underestimating her (or thinking they were on her team).
FNG Flamin’ Hot has a future in comic book writing. He makes up his own super heroes!!
FNG The Muggo (rumored to be 2 years old, though he denies it) does not like getting sprayed with water and has already learned the phrases “No spray, bad man!” & “My mommy will wipe the floor with you!” & “Pierogi thought he was a comedian, too. You want a face like his?”
Chicken Puff and Ducktails have no problem mercilessly spraying any adult who is yelling “you guys already got me, I’m going back to my side!”
Chesney is a very nice, polite young lady…until you arm her. And then all bets are off.
Icy Pop has a future in management. She quickly ascertained that no one has any water left to shoot the defense players by the time they get back to them so she immediately volunteered for that job.
Bangle has an extremely cool F3 name and an even cooler roar to go with it. Some day it will strike fear into the hearts of Qs like YHC’s own high pitched, breaking-on-the-‘i’-vowel “Frisco!!!”.
For a 2-year-old, Pink-a-licious is stronger than she looks. She body slammed YHC when he tried to bum rush her in an attempt to get to the flag. Who trains a 2 year old in Krav Maga, WKRP!?!?
Thurston’s 2.0 Nathan (FNG: Water Boy) knows his name.
YHC (in Nam-a-rama): “What’s your name?”
Water Boy: “Nathan.”
YHC (forgetting Nathan is an unnamed FNG at that point): “What’s your other name?”
Water Boy (exasperated): “Naaayyy-than!”
COT:
YHC and Supercell took us out with a prayer for strength and grace. As always it is great to be around so many HIM fathers and their 2.0s.