Bradford's Ordinary, F3

40 Year-Old Virgin Q

June 2nd, 2017, YHC is having an early afternoon HH (I know you’re all shocked!) with a few old friends, when one of them says “Hey, what are you doing tomorrow morning?”. Of course, I was planning to do what I always do on Saturday mornings, sleep! This Saturday would be different. I woke up at 6 am…and hit the snooze. Woke up again at 6:20 and this time I managed to get myself out of bed. There’s still time to change my mind but alas, I made a commitment to my friends and I’m gonna stick to it. I get in the car and I’m on my way to a place called “The Crick”. I meet up with my friends and come to find out they have nicknames that I was unaware of, “Lip Sync” and “Art Vandelay”. Turns out I have a new nickname too, “FNG”. More cars make their way into the parking lot and I meet more guys with funny nicknames. The guy leading the workout, he’s called the “Q”, gives a legal disclaimer…uh, am I gonna need a lawyer? Too late, we’re off and running.

Surprisingly, I made it through the hour-long workout physically unhurt — I think. I even got a new-new nickname, “WKRP”, not because I’m from Cincinnati. I also met a man named “Earhart”— seems like a nice guy. Turns out he lives in Apex and there are workouts in both Apex and Cary, also know as “CARPEX” and much closer to home. So I give him my email and eventually I’m invited to a thing called “GroupMe”. Whoa!!!! Who are all these people and what are they talking about? Lots of acronyms and strange conversations that I would later learn is called “mumble chatter”.  Gonna have to turn off these notifications.

3 days later and I’m still sore.  OH, IT HURTS TO DO EVERYTHING! After about a week and a half of recovery from my first workout and from being sick, I make my first official post in “CARPEX”.  It was a Wednesday morning at Bond Park and my friend, “Lip Sync” from South Wake, joins me for the morning festivities. I’m a little fuzzy on the details because I almost died that morning, I’m sort of joking here.  Awfully early to be doing Bear Crawls, running up and down steps lots of steps and Burpees.  WHAT AM I DOING?!?! Luckily there was a nice fella there who kept coming back for me, that’s called “picking up the 6”. Some dude named, “Burt”. He talks a lot but he’s funny and it’s taking my mind off the pain.

I didn’t believe it, but the guys were right, it does start to get a little easier unless Ma Bell is Qing and then I feel like a rookie all over again. How many merkins can one man do? Oh, and how does Banjo do Burpees so fast? And what’s up with Hermes doing everything with one arm? I’m not sure these mysteries will ever be solved but I’m gonna keep showing up in hopes of one day finding the answers.  The truth is out there, people!

With all that said, I sure am glad to be a part of this fine group of HIM known as F3 CARPEX! I’m now into my 7th month and time for this guy to step up for a VQ.

It’s 5:45 and looks like we have 13 PAX to join me this fine morning, let’s go! Whoops, spoke too soon, here comes Fluoride…right on time. Wait, we got one more, here comes Mississippi. Ok, now we’re ready. Whoa! Look out, CK is coming in HOT! 16 PAX right on time. #Sarcasm

Kitty’s got the coconuts and were off for a Clydesdale Trot over to the bank for some warm-ups. Yep, we got props this morning.  #MonthPythonHolyGrail

The Warm Up

SSH IC x 20

Good Mornings IC x 10 — but YHC is confused and begins performing Windmills. Luckily the PAX take notice and quickly point out to YHC that “those aren’t Good Mornings”. Got a little ahead of myself, sorry boys, first timer over here. YHC quickly reverts to the correct exercise.

Windmills IC x 10

Sir Fazzio Arm Circles IC x 15 each direction

Plank Jacks IC x 15 (or maybe it was 10)

Merkins IC x 15 (pretty sure we did 15)

And recover. Let’s Trot down to Academy Street Bistro and begin some light pole work. This time Disco Duck is on coconut duty.

Thang 1 — “W-K-R-Ps” 
Spent some time scrolling through the Exicon to come up with something a little different for the PAX, hope you hate it because that means I did my job right.  Count off 1’s and 2’s to cover both sides of Academy. We’ll alternate exercises at each light pole. *Pro-Tip: One side of Academy as at least 1, maybe 2, more light poles than the other.  YHC knew this ahead of time but didn’t inform the PAX. 

WWide Grip Merkins x 10: Run to the next pole

KKraken Burpees x 10: This is a burpee combined with 3 hand release merkins at the bottom.  Pretty sure the 1’s modified this one because they sure were moving through these fast.  Maybe YHC didn’t quite explain it properly.  That couldn’t be it because the 2’s were showing proper form.  There may or may not have been some clapping.

R Reverse LBCs x 10: Run to the next pole

P Prisoner Squats x 10: Run to the next pole and rinse n’ repeat to the end of Academy Street.  Early finishers pick up the 6 and/or squat it out at the fountain.  Heard some PAX (the 1’s) calling out some exercises at the fountain while waiting for the 2’s.  Good work, boys.

Thang 2 — Grab a partner height matters: “W-K-R-Ps” part deux

W – Wilson’s Wife:  In the courtyard at the fountain, line-up with your partner.  A little confusion on how to line-up, I’ll take responsibility.  BTTW with your feet on your partner’s shoulders. Let’s get a 10 count down the line. Flap-Jack with your partner.  (1 round)

K – King of Hearts: Various suicide work across the courtyard.

Round 1 

  • Partner 1 does a regular suicide run to the cones while partner 2 does a Mary exercise called out by the PAX.  Flap-Jack

Round 2 

  • Partner 1 does backward-run suicides while partner 2 does a Mary exercise called out by the PAX. Flap-Jack 

Round 3 

  • Partner 1 does karaoke-run suicides while partner 2 does a Mary exercise called out by the PAX.  Flap-Jack 

R – Rockette Dips:  Over to the fountain for some Rockette Dips.  YHC was happy to demonstrate.  Perform a regular dip with the addition of kicking out your leg on your way back up.  Alternate leg kick-outs.  I was pleased to hear the sounds of the PAX singing “New York, New York”.  #MumbleSinging

Partner 1 does dips while partner 2 does lunge walks around the fountain.  Flap Jack.  (1 round) 

P – Princess Tea Party:  Patty Cake Merkins (also known as Partner Merkins or Bro Merkins) + Partner People’s Chair.  Back over to the courtyard for the Tea Party.  Line up across from your partner, we’ll do these in cadence. Recover.  Now back to back with your partner for a People’s Chair.  10 count down the line. (2 rounds) *There was some mumble chatter on the proper form for the Partner People’s Chair. Not supposed to be easy.  YHC was struggling on this one.  Luckily, I had an understanding partner.  Thanks, E-Trade. 

Alright, let’s trot back down Academy and stop at the church.  Wait, where are the coconuts?  That’s alright, pretty sure that gag ran its course.

Line up for a Billy Run. Stallions on the line first. Give it all you got to the flag. Oh wait, neither site Q is here, so no flag.  Hmmmmm.  High tail it to where the flag should be. Clydesdales up next. Followed by the “ready for the glue factory” horses.

Circle up on your six, we got time to open up the Request Lines for a couple of Mary requests.  1st request: Low Slow Flutters led by Lip Sync from South Wake.  2nd request: Mississippi tried, but YHC felt that he wasn’t quite quick enough with his explanation of his request so….what’s that?  Someone is requesting Homer to Marge, DONE!  We’ll end with one of YHC’s favorites, Have A Nice Day.

COT 

Count-o-rama: 16

Name-o-rama: 2 Respects, 12 mehs, 2 Hates

Announcements: Christmas Party on 12/14. Last minute push for Toys for Tots.  Saban reminded us the Brownie’s are collecting gently used bikes that will be donated for Christmas, DM him for details.  E-Trade informed us of the Raleigh F3 Christmas Party on Monday, check with Burt for details, I think he’s a Raleigh 2nd F co-chair.  South Wake CSAUP on 12/16.  F3 Dads on 12/16, Riptide is Qing.  Carpex hats are in, Kitty will follow up with everyone who ordered one.

Prayers/Praises: Tubeless’s friend dealing with prostate cancer.  Crab Legs (South Wake) dealing with ALS.  Continued support for Callahan’s buddy, Luke and his mom and dad as Luke continues his battle with cancer.  Shank’s in-laws dealing with father’s final stages of COPD, hospice has been called in. Continued prayers for Edward (Pickle’s family) starting the 2nd round of chemo.

BOM: Wonk took us out with a prayer.

NMS 

A trio of Clydesdales (Disco Duck, Hello Kitty and YHC) got some EC this morning with the now infamous, Meow Mile.  #GoogleIt 

When you bang 2 halves of a coconut together, they make a sound very similar to that of a herd of Clydesdales.  Also encourages strange looks and mumble chatter.  You boys at Flying Circus are more than welcome to borrow them.

Cramming the night before your VQ so you don’t require the use of a Weinke is highly encouraged.  Although YHC still managed to confuse a Good Morning with a Windmill.  #GotAheadOfMyself #IllDoBetterNextTime

Be careful when releasing the Kraken.  #JustSayin

Try not to stare in the wrong direction when performing BTTW with a partner (Wilson’s Wife on the Exicon).  You might see something you can’t unsee #MyEyesAreBurning

When you open up requests for Mary exercises and deny Mississippi his request, be careful!  He has a similar response to that of a skunk when they feel threatened and releases a quite pungent odor that stings the nostrils.  #AnchormanReference

Special shout-out to my boys, Lip Sync and Art Vandelay, for coming out and supporting YHC at his VQ.  As you may or may not remember at the beginning of this BB, they’re the two guys that EH’d me into coming out.  #BrothersDontShakeHandsBrothersHug

It was a true honor to lead you, men, this morning.  To say that F3 has been a blessing in my life is an understatement.  I appreciate each and every one of you for your support and friendship.  I look forward to leading you once again.  Day/Time/AO TBD.

 

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